Tis the Season For the Nutjobs

To come out of the woodwork. Apparently some woman in Santa Fe, New Mexico got a restraining order against David Letterman. The woman "claims" he's been sending her signals that he wants her through his show.

Now, that's really not the disturbing part. The incredibly disturbing part is that this obviously mentally ill woman received said restraining order!

I don't know if the judge was trying to be nice to her, or felt sorry for her and figured this would shut her up. What the fuck was the judge thinking?

Of course, Letterman's lawyers went to Santa Fe to argue that the restraining order should be quashed and didn't need to go into a lot of detail as to why. The judge asked the woman if she had any proof, the woman admitted, no, but cautioned that if anyone from Letterman came near her she'd break their legs.

Her point made, the press coverage, maybe a book deal out of it, and this nutjob, gets her 15 minutes of fame. The judge that signed off on the restraining order in the first place should be subjected to judicial review and that woman should be brought up on charges for making a false statement, thus, forcing the nutjob into therapy.

It's the Sex

A man recently replied to one of my rants about men asking very frankly that if men are all stupid why do we marry them. I fired off a typical comment, the sex. Okay, maybe not that typical but what the hell. Fredo then asked for something and I got distracted for a few minutes while Rainbird sat on the sofa flipping channels (this is a rather dull time of the year for him, as he has all the associates doing work for him) and possibly contemplating how to bill the client for him watching the Golf Channel. I sat at the computer and began to ponder.

The reason we marry them is honestly for the sex, there might be other reasons, we like their personalities, or the way they look at us, or how good a provider they are, but that's just bullshit woman magazine reasons. The truth is we like sex. There I said it, women like sex! Of course we have rules about when we like sex. With each woman the rules are different so I couldn't possibly list them all here. We especially like holiday sex. Why else does every woman always try to have boyfriend over the holidays? It could be because of the gift but it's also the sex and someone to kiss on New Year's Eve.

I do get annoyed when he starts this shit like rubbing my back in the middle of night or early in the morning, while damn it all, I'm trying to sleep. My head whirls with thoughts, okay, how can keep him rubbing my back without leading him on about getting some? Okay, I'm selfish but I really don't want to roll over, so he'll spend a minute tweeking my tits before driving himself home for another half minute. Then, I'm left all wide awake, with no orgasm, while he rolls over, and begins to snore.

Sex for men is physical but for women it's more mental (no we're not always pretending your really Mel Gibson or some such shit), it's that for us, more of a close your eyes and feel each sensation. Let your mind go and just feel. If he's talented, and even if he isn't, the feeling is incredible. That's when the best orgasms happen.

Of course, nowadays, I'm a lot less picky about when we have sex. Hell, he's over 40 now and I'm lucky he can still get it up. Hell, he's lucky he can still piss in the toilet (most of the time he hits everything but--which is why I call him Rainbird). So, I'll take those 30 seconds of shear bliss, and finish the job later myself.

I Knew I Shouldn't Allow Him in the Kitchen!

Rainbird decided he would help me out by baking his own muffins for work (we recently came across a eggnog muffin recipe and he's been driving me crazy since). So he puts on a apron (because, he's baking at that's a HUGE deal--I'm surprised he didn't put on a freaking chef's hat) and starts mixing the ingredients. He puts them into the muffin pan, and bakes them. Should I mention he made a double batch? He takes them out of the oven and lets them cool, then removes them from the pan and loads it up for the second batch, puts those into the oven. He takes one and breaks it in half, handing the one half to me, which I take a small bite of. He's bragging about how he decided to use Brandy instead of Rum, as I'm thinking...These are horrible. I figure that's the way they're supposed to taste (I'm not a huge eggnog fan anyway). He doesn't say anything. I'm running around cleaning up after him, when he says to me, rather mystified. "It tastes like it's missing something." I shrug rather indifferently, and take another bite of the half he'd given me earlier...I think about it. "Maybe they needed more sugar?" I ask him. He takes another one and tastes it. It hits him. He forgot to add the sugar. He then takes off his apron and tells me that he has a meeting but he'll be back to pick up the muffins later. I've now got two dozen muffins that no one, not even the dog will eat (I tried) and I have to make more for him because he ran out of time. So, I slam things around the kitchen, make the muffins (correctly this time) and I'm just pulling them out of the oven when I hear the channel being changed on the TV, and figure the kids are down to watch cartoons or something. Instead of Ed, Edd and Eddy, I hear the Golf Channel. Now, I know the kids would NEVER watch that. I turn around and see him watching it, stretched out across the sofa with his feet up. "I thought you had a meeting?" He explained he decided to blow it off. He'll be home later after he gets back from the ER getting the Muffin pan dislodged from his ass. That Pam® cooking spray is really great for things other than baking.

It Actually Snowed

I really think the picture says it all.

Disjointed Thoughts

I've been not feeling well the past few days, nothing serious no avian flu, just a bug that's left me feeling really tired, right at the height of my busy time. I coughed all night, interrupted by short periods of sleep, but I'll admit, I'm feeling a little better tonight. That said, I still don't have all the kids gifts wrapped or all the batteries purchased, nor do I have any of the other gifts wrapped either. I really don't have all the stocking stuff, or enough for Rainbird. This year, I got him a gift but upon reflecting, I decided it looked a tad gay, so I'm taking it back to hopefully exchange it for a different one. I never do that, I should have just got him the other one to begin with. Meanwhile, Fredo is driving me crazy with his gift list. He keeps adding to it. I swear with Piss-boy it's like pulling teeth to get that kid to say he wants anything. Fredo, no surprise is the opposite, and wants everything he sees. The latest obsession was a race car thing that has two cars, one red and one blue (he told me that), I checked with Amazon, and it's sold out along with a half dozen other things he asked for. I'm glad I got all I did when I got it all, I don't think I could find much of anything now. If only I could only get everything wrapped.

I still have to buy a card and get a gift certificate for Piss-boy's teacher. I've already got Fredo's teacher's gifts and a gift for the bus driver--I'm sorry but getting my kids to and from school safely is worth a token gift. I also have to take the kids to see Santa and get the pictures into the mail for my Grandma & Grandpa, along with their gift.

I saw today my wacky neighbor, she was asking what we've been doing, I told her that we've been busy, which isn't a lie. I gave her a quick rundown and told her we're going to a couple of parties...And she said, oh work things? As if the only friends we have are Rainbird's work friends. Sheesh, I don't know but it just struck me as rude. Of course, this was the same woman that hunted me down when I owed her $ 1.99 worth of Avon, even though I had offered to pay when I got the items.

Why do people have to be so fucking weird?

I guess I'll just go do my Christmas cards and maybe get those mailed tomorrow. Doesn't that sound like fun?

Monday Musings

I noticed this commercial on TV a couple weeks ago and keep forgetting to mention it here (read I Need A System post). Like so many important things this keeps slipping my mind. The scene opens up with some sort of animal looking- men laughing and looking out the window at something. Further inspection shows they are pig men (I know all men are pigs but these are pigmen). They are apparently laughing at a wolf-man (who resembles more of Wolverine from Xmen without the retractable adamantium claws), who is outside suffering from a cough.

Now the problem with this poorly made commercial aside from man-pigs, is the fact the house they are in is made of BRICK! Hello???

Not surprising, the wolf-man eats a Halls cough drop and inhales giving the impression that he blows the house down. Which of course every grade schooler is well aware that he couldn't be cause the big bad wolf couldn't blow down the house made of brick. Straw--yes. Wood, oh yeah, he could blow that down. Don't advertisers read fairy tales?

I just don't understand any child knows it would never work.

Another stupid commercial that really grates on my nerves are the insurance (Allstate, State Farm one of those companies) commercials with the alleged husband and wife that rolls over her husband's foot. What kind of fucking idiots wonder if it's going to be a homeowners or auto insurance claim? Let me explain something to all the idiot deadbeat and completely stupid individuals. Someone HITS your car, or home, or rolls over your foot that is NO way related to you is an accident, insurance should be notified and rates will increase. IF you did it, you're just incompetent, don't expect insurance to pay for your mistake--I don't care if you feel just because you pay a premium you're entitled to. In fact, if I was their agent, I wouldn't be on TV with them, I'd be sending a letter of cancellation because they are obviously too dull-witted to be insured. Or at the very least raise their premiums so fucking high they'd be shamed into going with another company so I wouldn't have to deal with them. I guess if some government yahoo isn't around to protect them from themselves, or a fucking Attorney to sue the tire companies for not putting warning labels on tires, some people just won't survive. Its more than advertisers, it's the dumbing down of America.

AAA, learned that lesson the hard way, years ago they ran adds reminding people if they backed into a pole, they could still file a claim. Yeah, thousands did, they pulled the ad and raised the rates for everyone.

Of course, those are likely the same people that believe evolution is just a theory and would rather believe mythology and promote the latest laughing stock, pop pseudo-science, like the Flying Spaghetti Monster, or the eternally vague concept of "intelligent design."

Another Random Musing

Forgot to mention another musing:

• I nearly bought Christmas cards that showed Godzilla eating Santa's reindeer, saying "mmm, Venison." The Caption above read: What happens when Santa makes a wrong turn over Tokyo.

I decided not to get those cards, I didn't want to freak out my friends with small kids. I always find weird cards to send.

Fredo Update and Other Random Musings

Well Fredo is doing a little better though it seems one step forward and two steps to the side. We finally got him passed his shitting-in-the-garbage can phase and now we've moved onto the I-don't-wanna-ride-the-school-bus-home phase. Like I said, one step forward, which is; now he's looking at his teacher and understands that it's important that he do so. My inlaws don't understand why the teacher is making an issue out of it but we do and that's really all that matters. Grandparents don't want to believe their grandchildren aren't perfect anyway, so this doesn't surprise me. Anyway, for the next couple days Fredo has a substitute teacher at school so it's a good practice for him to continue looking at the teacher. I'll pick him up from school tomorrow and maybe Friday, then we'll see if we can work out some sort of reward for him at home for riding the bus.

I really expected a more gradual change, on Monday we had a meeting at the school and Fredo made eye contact with everyone in the room, much to the teacher's surprise. I don't think the teacher believed us when we told her that he makes and sometimes demands eye contact and in any event the autism thing is taken off the table. For the past couple weeks the teacher has been sending home notes about his behavior that include letting me know if he's looking at his teacher. 3's mean he's not looking at his teacher, ignoring reminders, etc., and 1's mean that he is looking at his teacher with few reminders. Obviously, two is somewhere in the middle. I should mention, he's never brought home a 1. Normally there's 3's peppered with a 2's. Yesterday, Tuesday he brought home his note, and it was all 1's! I was impressed, I squeezed the kid so hard, hugging him, he complained. Today, was mostly 1's with a couple 2's so that's still pretty good. Today, also marked the beginning of the bus troubles, so I guess we're on the right track.

Today, Fredo and I spent sometime working on his letters. We ran though a few flash cards, and then worked on writing the letter "B". I was trying to get him to understand the process of making the letter, not just copying it any old way and expecting him to learn. He was getting cranky with me, but I kept going. Rainbird told me I was being mean to him, and I let him take over, within a minute or two he was yelling, caught himself and said in a flat tone that he wasn't questioning me ever again. Of course, this just reinforced in me the very fact that I could NEVER homeschool this kid, honestly, I think we'd kill each other or at the very least hate each other. Not in that good, no you can't go to the party because I don't know the other kid's parents, but in the really bad way that screams Michael Jackson or the Door's song The End.

I promised other random musings, so here are a few to chew on.

• My Frosty the Snowman action figure outside appears to be either drunk or blowing the Christmas Tree beside him.
• Rainbird consistently wakes the dog each night when he farts right before coming to bed, causing the dog to run around the house barking, apparently searching for the dead animal that crawled up his ass.
• Rainbird knows nothing of hanging holiday lights and is really apparently color blind.
• Piss-boy really needs to understand that spelling does count on a spelling test.
• My mother in law got a catalog in the mail today called International Male, apparently, they carry padded underwear for men.
• I'm afraid of Claymation. It's true, when I was little and watched Santa Claus Is Coming to Town I was scared to death of the Burger Meister, Meister Burger. I think it was the clay. I kept imagining Santa melting like the witch from the Wizard of Oz.
• I'm not sure if it will ever snow like the weather people keep threatening.
  

What Are You Reading?

Someone recently asked our group, what book are you currently reading? I'll admit I haven't read a good book in years, but also, I've been writing a book of my own. A book that I doubt I will ever finish and doubt even more that it will ever be published, but that was never the point. I love the process of writing and becoming the characters. I even feel incredibly guilty for leaving the characters I've created drinking coffee in their kitchen. They've been drinking coffee for too long, it's time they did something again, it's time I gave them again purpose.

Are All Men Created Stupid?

Last night, after a larger than normal dinner out with "folks" we returned home and settled into our somewhat warm house. Okay, we were huddled together (including the dog) trying avoid the apparent effect of hypothermia coupled with a heavy meal, when Rainbird gets off his ass and goes to the fridge.

I wonder briefly why he's looking through the refrigerator, when I hear him ask, "Dear, where's the sausage I bought today?"

I cringe at the use of the word "Dear" afterall, I do have a name but that's another post for another time. I called back to him telling him it's in the fridge and he quickly replies that two of the three pounds of sausage he bought are in there, but the third package is missing. I told him maybe it fell behind, but I was sure it was there, he claimed to have looked and said rather frantically, it's not there. "Don't make me get up." I called back as though I were talking to one of the kids, and minutes later I'm walking into the kitchen because he's raising his voice. I look behind the milk and there is the package of sausage and yes it had fallen from one of the upper shelves.

Now this is truly an old argument of "if it was a snake it would have bit me," as any mom of young children can certainly relate to as they searched endlessly through the house searching for the blankie-piece that's was misplaced because a pillow was moved. We learn quickly to search under things, even (gasp) shaking out blankets to make sure whatever it is isn't stuck in the blanket. Do men do this? No, they scan the room quickly and if they can't find the remote in the first scan they cry for help.

To further confound this perplexing notion, my Rainbird is color blind...Or at the very least unable to see the color navy blue. To wit, he calls today asking for me to take his blue-pinstriped suit to the cleaners. I inform him he has no such suit and he insists that he does. I figure I'm mistaken, so, I go looking through the closet, one side and down the other and NO navy blue suit. He's got a black pinstriped suit, so I wonder if my eyes are playing tricks on me, so I put some navy blue socks by it, and sure enough the suit is black.

He comes home briefly, after several phone calls back and forth insisting that he does have a blue suit.

He said it goes with the shoes. "What shoes?" I ask.

He shows me a box with black shoes inside and I say, "those are black."

No he argues, "they're blue."

I sigh wearily as I take out the navy socks and put them next to the black shoe and snidely ask, "does this match?"

He admits it doesn't. He examines the box, and shows me indeed the box reads color: blue.

I query, "where did you get those shoes?"

He explains he bought them at the same time he got the suit, because he told the sales person he needed navy blue shoes...What the hell ever gave him that idea?

At least the sales person was smarter than he was, the shoes are black, and the box was for just a regular pair of tennis shoes in navy blue, which would also explain why the box reads "canvas." I just wonder how much he paid for them?

Gearing Up

Here are some photos of my dining room. Soon to be finished, but please excuse the mess, I still have things that need to be put away.

I Need A System

Each time I sit down at the computer to write in my blog, I forget what I was going to write about. I come up with great things to write about throughout the day but then they slip from my mind as soon as I sit down at the computer. In any event, I'll try to come up with something witty to say about nothing important.

Today is my birthday and yes I'm 29 again, I don't know how many more years I keep saying it but I'm not ready to give it up yet. Funny, but I actually freaked out when I turned 29 the first time, I don't know if it was because I wasn't ready to leave my 20's behind me but I here I am some years later professing to be the very age I hated so.

Happy Birthday To Me

Blonde porch painter

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out
as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do
neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and
asked
the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, How
much will you charge me?"

The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and
told
her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband," Does
she
realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all
those
dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her
money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it
two
coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed
it
to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus"

Dear Santa

Dear Santa

Here is mine. Try your own, it's fun.

Dear Santa,

I have been a good Girl .

It really wasn't my fault what happened at Anita's Christmas party. It was Cindy who spiked the punch with too much Tequila. I can't help it if I drank 5 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like egg nog.

I thought it was funny when I put Amy Ann's Bra on my head and danced the The Hustle on the Chair while singing `Play That Funky Music'. I didn't mean to break Anita's blow-up man with remote and don't know why Anita would sue me for Indecent exposure.

I don't remember calling Ross's wife a bitchy pig---even though she looked like one with Blue eye shadow and Red lipstick!

And when I threw up on Melanie's husband's penis, it was only because I ate too much of that hot dog.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Porsche through my neighbor's Bathroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a idiot Cow and have me arrested for Reckless Driving!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all sad and dark. And I'm really not to blame for any of this useless stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and fuck yours,
Kelly (Really a nice Girl !)

P.S. It's only 300 bucks!

It's Just Another Day

What a week I've had and it's not over yet. I guess, my week started last Friday when Fredo woke abruptly at 3:30 AM screaming that his mouth hurt. I really thought he just didn't want to go to school or maybe had a bad dream, in any event I was awful to him, I yelled a lot, I bribed, but nothing seemed to work. I guess I'm tired of the kid complaining about going to school but something should have said that this was different. What was I thinking??? Likely that I wanted to go back to sleep. Rainbird, left at 5 AM for the airport, and I was still debating mentally what if anything I could to shut up this screaming child. At 6AM, when he still hadn't gone back to sleep, I went upstairs, giving up any hope of him still going to school (at this point I was even considering driving them both in, so they could get more sleep), to talk to Piss-boy. Piss-boy was tired, and hadn't slept much since 3:30, so I asked him if he wanted to stay home and he actually thought about it, knowing full well, he'd miss his spelling test, work for the day. Roughly 10 minutes later, he told me that he'd just skip the day and make-up the work later. At 7AM, I was relaxing and still dealing with Fredo, I had tried to look into his mouth but I couldn't see anything because he wouldn't open his mouth wide enough. I was still angry with him, but was noticing finally that he was off. I asked him if he wanted some juice, he'd take a sip and say no; I asked him if he wanted food, with the same result. Finally he said his ear hurt. I called the doctor's office and got him an appointment at 8:40 AM that morning. At the doctor's office they weighed him, and took his temperature, he weighed the same as he did in February, when he had his check-up, so I know he's lost weight. The other thing, his temperature was up to 101.2. It was then I looked for a rock to crawl under. The doctor tried to look in his ears, but couldn't because of his hard wax build up. He had to have his ears cleaned. I was surprised to see a large lima-bean sized rock come out of his ear on both sides. OMG. Did I mention his toe nails are too long too??? I guess it was a good thing though, his ears were actually clear with no sign of infection. The doctor considered that perhaps it was caused by an abscess in his gum and prescribed an antibiotic. Now, Fredo does not take medicine well, or at all. Tears erupt over the thought., so I considered my options and prayed the meds could be mixed with orange juice. After speaking to the pharmacist, and finding out that it can indeed be mixed with anything, including Orange Juice, we left to buy a happy meal, but poor Fredo, couldn't eat it. I didn't eat much either. Piss-boy enjoyed his lunch.

After spilling the first dose down his shirt, I'd given up, and put in orange juice and threatened him with another trip to the doctor unless he drank it all. He did, and took a nap.

Friday night he drank the second dose, and after sleeping off and on all day, was still groggy but awake at 11PM, so I moved him into our bedroom, turned on Cartoon Network, and told him he was sleeping there, which he did without arguing. Each time I woke that night, he was awake watching TV with one eye open.

Saturday, I was exhausted, and Fredo hadn't eaten anything all day but by Sunday, he started asking for food, toast or hot bread with butter as he calls it. Monday, his appetite improved but he was still waking during the night crying that his mouth hurt, so I called the dentist, just to be sure that nothing else was going on. That appointment was yesterday and the dentist said he's getting one of his molars, and likely that caused the pain and possibly infection. His gums are no longer swollen, and he's eating much better.

The past two nights, he's slept through, so today I bit the bullet and sent him to school. Of course that wasn't without argument, but now the house is quiet and hopefully, he'll be fine, I really don't want him to miss out watching TV. I did promise him a happy meal again today, because mostly, he has to gain some weight (laughs).

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Rainbird is leaving tomorrow for his last business trip of the year. He must be at the airport around 5 AM for his 6:40 AM flight, which means he will have to wake at 4:30 AM. Today, he asked me to pack his bag, which I did for him. I know he'll be working late tonight, which is why he asked. No problem right? Well, no, but again yes.

See, I'm scared to death to fly, and by that fear, I tend to apply it to others that I care about and this trip is different because he has to drive himself once he arrives at The City, normally past law firms would pay for or arrange transportation, but since he works for a hospital they will pay for the rental. Rainbird hasn't been most responsible person in the world, and tends to live by the credo that the car must get home. I don't know if I'm more freaked out about the flight or the fact he'll be driving around The City. Of course he tells me not worry and that my fears are unreasonable, which they likely are.

Does that make the fears less valid? Lately, I've been so preoccupied with his trip, I can hardly think of anything else. I used to be different, if he went away on trip, I'd hardly give him another thought, unless he called. Now, I worry constantly about him. I'm afraid if something happens to him what would happen to the kids and I? Yes, I know there is life insurance, and the amount should be enough to pay off the mortgage, so that is a huge burden. But who would go to Costco and put new furnace filters in? Who would watch stupid movies on TV with me?

The truth is that I would miss him. With all the bad things that have happened this year, I would miss him terribly and it's only taken me 20 years to figure it out.

A friend pointed out that maybe since I moved here, I've become too dependent on him and with that dependence is a lot of fear. I think she's right.

What A Morning

What a horrible morning. Piss-boy came into the bedroom at 6:40 wondering why I wasn't already up..UGH. I raced down the hall, freaking out, and ran into Fredo's room. Did I mention the bus comes for the kids at 7:04? I tell Fredo to get out of bed now but of course he doesn't move and starts complaining. OMG, I don't have time for this...So I bribed him with a poptart and thankfully, he hasn't had one all week otherwise he'd never know I only had the ones that he doesn't like.

I rushed to help Fredo (normally he does it himself but we didn't have time), then I rushed to get him to eat something, drink some juice (it's like coffee to him) and go to the bathroom, finally brushing his teeth. He didn't argue too badly, so we put on his jacket and I look down and he's got no shoes on his feet. Did I mention it's pitch dark outside and raining buckets? I pop the garage door open and tell Piss-boy to stay with his brother and watch for the bus while I start running around the house to find his shoes. Piss-boy begins to follow me, so I scream the instructions again, adding a few expletives. I find the shoes in his bedroom, by now the bus should be coming in around a minute, so I bolt down the stairs, and get them on Fredo.

We wait in the garage for the bus. Finally, it comes and they go to school.

Did I mention the bus was 15 minutes late?

Parent/Teacher Conferences

Today, we had the parent/teacher conference for the kids. Piss-boy is doing well, has 100% of work turned in, one of the highest in the class, but has issues with spelling, and needs to become more competent using the dictionary. Over-all, I'm pleased and he seems to be doing great. Rainbird also attended and asked, after I had to depart to Fredo's conference, about the one thing every teacher has always said about Piss-boy that he can be too chatty. The teacher appeared shocked, and said that he never spoke when he wasn't supposed to. Rainbird was proud. I'm thrilled. Life is good.

Well, until Fredo's conference. As expected testing is in his future, but I'm not sure at all how effective it will be since it requires him to participate. The teacher lightly mentioned to me Autism, but seemed also shocked that Fredo, does make eye contact with us at home and speaks understandably better now. We've seen many positive changes in him, but we need and can do more.

Rainbird pointed out that he believes part of Fredo's problem might be his schedule, and that he lacks adaptability so, I guess it falls on me to vary his day more when he's home. Absolutely no TV until After Piss-boy does all his homework is the start, and that will ensure time for the teacher to reach us if there was a problem during the school day. When he gets home from school, right after lunch, we'll spend some time reading, then doing a different activity. If the weather is good, I might look for a park that he can play at, or take him to the mall, or library, even Target and the grocery store can be called an outing. Not all the outings will be fun, because we don't want to start in that claptrap, and other activities might include things that he enjoys, like playing with playdoh.

If the weather is bad (shame winter is coming), he can play a game, or watch a movie--but it must be first be something that he hasn't seen and age appropriate. Not easy coming from the kid that only watches 4 or 5 movies total and never watches anything else. It seems that a lot of changes are in poor Fredo's future, but I think in the long run, he'll be happier.

A Blonde Moment

I can't believe I forgot to post this yesterday. I'm a huge caramel fan, I will go anywhere for a good caramel apple and the other day Rainbird brought one home for me as a surprise. It was the best I'd had in a long time, I think they used Tokyo Rose apples, which are an excellent baking apple.

In any event, yesterday I was craving caramels and came across a small bag of chewy Werther's Originals and I couldn't resist, I ripped open the bag and ate a few while I answered some emails on the computer and chatted with a friend. Then, I heard the laundry was finished, so I placed another handful into my pocket, and went upstairs to fold clothes and watch a little TV.


So, I'm on the bed folding, watching TV and eating caramels--Life is good to me I know. Unknown to me, well, not completely unknown but certainly not remembered, was an OB tampon. I unwrapped the tampon absentmindedly and can confirm that they taste nothing like the chewy caramels I love.

Like I told my friend Anita, later during chat, I was lucky that I wasn't in the bathroom, I might have mistaken a caramel for the tampon, and stuck that up my hoo-hoo.

Adventures In Flu Shots

Today, I took the boys to get their flu shots. Rainbird was kind enough to drive us and pick us up because the hospital parking lot is a horrible place and he has an assigned spot. Of course, right before we're supposed to leave, Piss-boy tells Fredo that he's going to the doctor for a check-up and will get a shot. Fredo starts crying so I told Fredo that he has to come with us because we can't leave him alone in the house. Fredo gets into the car and then begins the traditional fiasco of Piss-boy trying to buckle the car seat, complete with grunting, pissing and moaning.

We get to hospital and coax Fredo out of the car, I had already decided that if he pitched a fit, he'd not have to have the shot but he really didn't. Of course, he wouldn't dare pitch a fit in public (well, except when he's at school). I put Fredo on my lap, while Piss-boy got his shot at another station, and it only took a few seconds. The lady giving the shot asked if Fredo wanted a band-aid, and he said no, of course later as we were walking out the building, he changed his mind and decided that he did want the bandaid after all. This led to tears because, A) I have bandaids at home and B) I wasn't going back inside to ask for a bandaid. I lied, seems to be a trend this morning, telling him that if he wanted one of their bandaids he'd have to get another shot.

It didn't help quiet him, and he screamed all the way home. Of course, naturally, my bandaids are larger than the ones they had there, since I only have the large kind because no one in this freaking house ever gets a cut small enough to use those...And normally, Fredo rips it off three seconds after it's on.

So, we finally get home, I give Fredo a sucker, and he's still whimpering that he wants a bandaid. I put one on him, he keeps it on for three seconds and then starts to rip it off. Then, I asked him if his Homer and Bart dolls need a bandaid, he decides that they do, so I put bandaids on their arms. Then he comes back and says he needs another one. I give him the bandaid still in the wrapper and tell him that I'm giving him another one.

He just asked again as I'm writing this and I told him to ask Santa for special hospital Bandaids, because if anyone can get those it's Santa.

They Did It Again

Well they showed up again for dinner. Ate all the food and left. I told Rainbird he needs to speak with his brother.

If One More Thing Happens...

I'll scream.

Last night, brother and sister-in-laws knocked on our door, they were over to look at the house they're going to rent, and stayed for dinner. I swear I'm beginning to understand why Rainbird lived three thousand miles from his family. It was much quieter. I guess, I just feel used by everyone and I'm tired of it. K called up saying how fun it was to go shopping with mother in law and I yesterday, I tried not to say too much because I'm tired of her mooching off them. All she can talk about is the baby, J, and the baby she's going to have. She hardly ever mentions her older children, I get the feeling she doesn't speak with them often.

Rainbird did talk to his niece today and she's getting married, but I don't think she's told her parents yet. He spoke to his nephew last month, and their baby is growing (they emailed pictures), but he found it odd that the nephew didn't mention the parents either. What a fucked up family.

Another week

Well, another week has come and gone. Fredo was good in school most of the week until today. Rainbird mentioned that he was awake at 4 AM this morning, but that's really no excuse. He got up, dressed and ready for school without argument, then did his jobs. When it was time for everyone to go out for recess he had a memory lapse and forgot which coat he'd worn to school and couldn't find it. He started to cry, then scream, and was impossible to calm.

The teacher thought maybe he left the jacket on the bus, I told her no, he doesn't take his jacket off. I told her that he was wearing his green Landsend coat today because it was so chilly outside this morning. She then said nothing for a second or two, then said that she showed him that coat but he wouldn't really look at it. I told her that his name is on the inside of the coat, it has his last name on the left or right side on the lower part of the coat (I always label my children's coats and jackets). She said the coat was there, so I asked for her to give it to his brother to bring home with him, she assured me that she would.

His reward for today was a happy meal, but I told him that we'll try it again next week and see if he makes it.

Its Always Someone

Today, the school called and I was surprised to hear Piss-boy's voice instead of Fredo's teacher. Piss-boy got into trouble for saying fuck at school today. Can I hear a collective sigh followed by a collective UGH. I guess it's time to bring the swear jar back?

Fredo took a lot of pleasure in hearing of his brother getting into trouble at school, big old shit eating grin on his face. Must admit, he wears it well.

I'll be dealing with Piss-boy when he gets home from school.

What Did I Learn Today?

1. People that don't understand computers, shouldn't own one.

2. Snakes aren't that scary, especially when flying through air.

3. The naked guy isn't as interesting clothed.

4. Piss-boy will throw himself down a flight of stairs so that he doesn't have to rake.

5. Fredo is more useful than he appears to be.

6. Mowing the lawn isn't nearly as fun when you don't have someone explaining how to do it.

7. Snakes are really difficult to kill.

8. Squirrels can laugh.

9. Small yapping dogs missed the memo about their size.

10. Inlaws, like children, should be seen and not heard from ever.

How To Handle a Neighborhood Nudist

Call everyone you know on the phone, invite them all over, go out into your back yard, and have everyone point and laugh. Camera phones work well too.

Life As a Dog.

I've come to the conclusion that dogs are disgusting creatures, it's not just me, Animal Planet has this show called Most Extreme and dogs were listed as number 9 or something for the smelliest animals. Rainbird is away, so the dog has assumed the job of "man of the house," and is making me crazy in the process. The dog wakes up when I get out of bed, and follows me down the stairs, and his tail starts thumping. I feed him, let him outside and listen while he chases small woodland creatures that have the misfortune of wandering into our backyard and curse the darkness outside because I can't see where he is; the only sound is rattle of his collar. I yell, he ignores me.

When I eat anything, he sits beside where I am, thumping his tail with brown hopeful eyes watching me in the most unnerving way. I take a small piece of food off my plate and the dog watches with his tail thumping harder causing me to feel the vibrations under my feet. I lift the small morsel and hold it to him, and he gobbles it up in a microsecond. I resume eating, as he watches more excited and tail thudding now against anything in it's way. I tell him that I won't share with him unless he tastes what I feed him; his ears perk, and his eyes follow as I take another small piece of food off my plate. He takes the food slower, as if he understood, seemingly chews and swallows. I thank him and he goes and lays down, either he thinks I won't be giving him anymore, or I'm making him work too hard for it.

Looking at him, I wonder if reincarnation is real and if it is, what he was in a past life. I'm willing to bet a lawyer.

I Know What's Wrong

That said, fixing the problem with Fredo won't be an easy fix. Its come to my attention that Fredo has ODD, and that explains a whole lot going on in his life.

Knowing that he has a problem should be a relief, but I can't help but to feel a bit guilty. Had I known about this earlier, I could have watched better the signs and did something when has younger. The child psychiatrist gave us some tips on dealing with him, most of which we were already doing but also told us that the punishments must be a little more extreme so that he doesn't want to repeat the behavior.

He needs a lot of constancy. Don't we all?

http://www.aacap.org/publications/factsfam/72.htm

It's been so exhausting dealing with his school and home issues. I'm just tired of everything.

I'll update later.

He had a good day, but the teacher forgot to send a note home with him, so I had to call the school. The secretary that answered the phone was nice enough to ask and told me he was good. Yay. I know the teacher has a lot of kids, etc., but damn I wish she could remember to do this each day. I really don't want to bother her every day to know if Fredo was good or not.

An Embarrassing Moment in Time

This is the one thing I have never told anyone except for one person and he passed away years ago. Now for the situation, some years ago after suffering for years the effects of painful migraines my gynecologist felt the likely culprit was birth control pills. I began "shopping" for a new birth control method that would allow me some measure of freedom and didn't require me to hand the guy something. So, I'm in the gynecologist's office and just had the dreaded Pap smear and we're discussing the various methods of birth control. The gynecologist felt I was too young to have my tubes tied and felt since I was prone to heavy periods an IUD wasn't the answer either. She felt a diaphragm was the best solution for me and I agreed, so she took out her kit to fit me for one. After finding what she felt was the right size and making me walk around repeatedly in that flimsy gown to make sure, she decided to have me try to insert it. She carefully instructed me to fold the diaphragm like a "taco" and slide it in then loaded it up with KY Jelly to make insertion easier and because it has about the same consistency of that spermicide, you insert inside the diaphragm. She handed me the diaphragm and encouraged me to try, so I took it and folded in the manner she described and just as the words "like this?" are escaping my mouth the thing shoots across the room. It hit the gynecologist in the forehead, right between the eyes leaving behind a large gob of KY Jelly that dropped onto her nose just as the diaphragm hit the floor by her feet. Mind you I'm in this little paper gown, with a possibly unshaven leg on the stirrup in a most undignified, unlady-like position I could be in. I recall the doctor blinking several times as I remained frozen with a look of horror on my face, and my fingers still trying to make the "taco" position to air. The more dignified doctor, excused herself and escaped through the door before I could speak as the reality of what occurred began to sink in. I was aghast, unable to move until I heard through the door the doctor bursting out in laughter and saying, "you're not going to believe this" and another voice asking, "why do you have lube on your nose?" I trembled and somehow remained quiet as the gynecologist returned after a minute or two. Her white coat was now gone and she was in "birthing scrubs," with one of those hardhat styled masks that covered her entire face, forehead to chin. Without missing a beat she picked up the diaphragm, still laying on the floor, washed it off in the sink, and lubed it up again before handing it back to me and said, "shall we try this again…Fold it like a taco and insert it." To this day the words Taco and Gynecologist makes my stomach turn. Thankfully, they aren't used in the same sentence often. ©2004 Whimsical Ranter All Rights Reserved

I Know Why Animals in the Wild Eat Their Young

But a fucking horrible day. Fredo refused to get out of bed, then he demanded his poptart but I gave in thinking I didn't want him upset going to school. I couldn't find his school shoes, have no fucking clue where they went to, so I put him in his play shoes. Meanwhile, while searching for the shoes, I found again shit in the wastebasket, but I didn't comment at that time to him.

Then at 9:30 the phone rings, I have caller ID and it said, "Public School." I answered the phone saying to myself, "Please let it be about Piss-boy." No, it was about Fredo. Apparently, he'd thrown a fit at school again and this time was carried to office kicking and screaming down the hall.

Can someone just shoot me now and put me out of my misery. Rainbird was on his way home, and drove here to get me, so that we could pick-up Fredo, who looked rather scared to see both of us show up. When I reminded him that he was NOT going to play that fucking game cube, he blew up again, telling me he was good and did his work. Fuck you, you little liar, I wanted to scream but somehow didn't. I told him tomorrow there is NO school (one of those teacher days), so he's not watching any TV or playing the Game Cube. He started to give me attitude and I went upstairs and put all his toys that he has arranged on the floor into his toy box. He cried, wailed, at the time, but now he's running around his bedroom so I guess he got over that.

I ask Rainbird if he has any cigarettes, we'd had a discussion about needing them when he left to get an oil change in his car for his trip. He said he was out but somehow thought I had some when I spoke very clearly and told him NO. So, I was already pissed off at Fredo, now at Rainbird, and left the house, driving to the gas station, only to find out that they no longer take off cigarette purchases on the Tank Bank. Damn, with each fill-up, I was only paying $2 a gallon instead of nearly three.

At 2:30, I see Pissboy, running across the street and he come running into the house asking (smiling no less), if I'd heard about Fredo. Piss-boy's classroom is right across the hall and he confirmed when he got home that Fredo was screaming, everyone heard it. He asked to go the bathroom as they were carrying Fredo to the office over someone's shoulder.

I spoke to the teacher, and she assured me that more than likely things will improve with him, we just need to keep with it. I asked her if she would send home a note each day indicating Good or bad, and she said she would--I hope she remembers.

Tomorrow Piss-boy might be going to Grandma and Grandpa's house for the day, I'll be sure to take Fredo along and tell him that if he were good at school, he'd get to go also. If that doesn't work out, Rainbird said he'd take the kid out and be sure to tell him that they are going out for burgers (Fredo's favorite) because if the kid doesn't know he's missing out on fun stuff, I doubt he'll have a huge reason to improve.

Since then I'm fielding phone calls from family members trying to understand why Fredo is acting the way he is. My grandmother is afraid that I'll take Fredo to a doctor, and they'll medicate him. I told her if they want to medicate him, bring it on. She couldn't understand why I feel that way.

Hell, it's not like he'd take medicine, but I wouldn't mind giving him a daily shot in the ass. Wonder if that can be arranged?

Another Day

Today was another day, I made two dinners, one for tonight and another for tomorrow. Fredo, I guess was good in school today, and will be going to bed soon. One good thing that happened, I got my tablecloths from overstocks.com. One green and one ruby colored with matching napkins.

They'll look great on the dining room table.

Oh Jeeze

Goodness, I started posting to a different board recently, not abandoning my current board but this board is about living on one income, which totally applies to us.

Well, they found my blog. Can I say I'm rather embarrassed because of my last Fredo post.

I should probably take a minute to explain my children's names...

Piss-boy, he's 11 years old and his name comes from the Mel Brooks movie History of the World Part 1. In one of scenes (it's good to be the king) Mel Brooks played Pissboy, the man that carried the royal piss bucket. I love it.

Fredo, he's 6 years old. Fredo comes from the Godfather. "I'm shmart, I can do stuff." Yeah. I nearly called him Forest, but decided on Fredo instead. Never know maybe one day I'll change his name.

Rainbird is my husband. I know Rainbird is kinda a girlie name but it came from my husband's inability to hit the toilet when he pees. The problem gets worse as he gets older and it's more like a sprinkler head than a dick-head now, hence the name, Rainbird.

So Much For Quiet.

I finally went upstairs to put those clothes in the dryer that had been sitting there since yesterday, as I walked upstairs the upstairs smelled like shit. I thought maybe the dog had pooped upstairs since it was raining so hard, but first I go into the boys bathroom which is a common stinky place. It didn't really smell in there, so I went into the bedrooms and they didn't stink, so I went into the laundry room, and it was stinky.

I glance around the floor and see nothing and open the washer, but the clothes inside didn't smell like shit, so I threw them into the dryer. The lint filter was already clean so I didn't have to clean it.

I turn around and see Piss-boy's trash can, and look inside. There was shit at the bottom of the can. A big turd and some runnier looking poops.

Arrrg!!!!

I shout for Fredo to come upstairs, since he'd had his pee accident yesterday it all suddenly made more sense.

What I had taken as a accident suddenly seemed more like not a accident at all. Fredo comes upstairs and I show him the can with the contents still inside, and he tells me it was an accident. Then he goes on to say that he can't use the toilet because he's afraid he'll flood the bathroom. I don't get it, since that happened weeks ago and when it had happened I hadn't said a word to him about it and certainly didn't yell at him. I explained the toilet had gotten clogged and that was an accident but what he did was no accident. I told my friend Anita about it, lamenting what am I going to do with this kid. She suggested that I buy a litter box.

I'm taking it under serious consideration.

A Quiet Saturday

I really enjoy quiet Saturday's when I can just not worry about doing a lot of stuff. Rainbird will be gone most of the day today collecting things for his golf trip next week. Kids are playing video games and rotting their brains. The dog is upset because it's raining and he can't eat his poop. I wonder if he's thinking all that perfectly good poop going to waste--No wonder, he twitches when he sleeps.

I do need to call my Grandma this weekend. I also have clothes in the washer that need to go into the dryer. I cooked a roast earlier yesterday before the pot-luck dinner, so dinner is fixed for tonight.

Speaking of the pot-luck, what do you do when someone just shows up unannounced and uninvited? The pot-luck thing is with people Rainbird mostly works with that live nearby and are a down-to-earth bunch with kids around Piss-boy's age. They played video games, watched movies while the rest of us sit around the dining room table and drink wine chatting.

Well, Rainbird's brother and wife showed up with their baby J. J is very cute but he cries a lot, and D is the type to tell his wife to just let the kid cry--He's got to learn. Um, what exactly does he need to learn? Okay, I don't believe in jumping up at the first whimper, but this was horrible. The kid was screaming in his little car seat, while everyone had to talk over the kid. Everyone was gone within an hour and a half. Rainbird tried to tell his brother that they weren't welcomed but that wasn't noticed by either of them. K said nothing about it when she called this morning to ask me if I wanted to go shopping for the new baby.

I'm glad I told I had other plans, even though I don't. I'm not paying out for a lot of things just because she can't keep her legs closed. When she called just last year and told us she'd left D, and needed a place to stay, we let her into our lives thoroughly. She lived here, we helped her find a job, got her a driver's license, etc. She's got no family to speak of because D has been her life for many years (they have two grown children) and I think D has kept her away from her family. When we found out she was pregnant with J we were very supportive, maybe too supportive in retrospect. Rainbird and I paid for a lot of things and I'm not doing it again.

K tells me that D doesn't have a lot of money now and things like that, but they're talking about buying a bigger house? Don't bigger houses cost more than smaller ones? K said that they want a house big enough that each child can have their own room and I wonder if that includes their grown children?

I think I've been snowed royally by these people and I don't like that feeling.

I Need To Find A New System

For Fredo in school. His teacher called me this afternoon, she got busy and forgot to put a note in his back pack, I looked at the time it was nearly 4PM. Crap! He's not going to learn what his limits are if I don't know when he misbehaves or not. I think we're going to move to a daily system where he brings something home each day saying how he was. Today, the problem was wandering when he was supposed to be working, okay, I had told him to do his work, but I hadn't covered the wandering issue. She said he whimpered a little but she didn't think he'd done his work.

I'm writing off today. We'll have to work something out and start fresh on Monday.

TGIF At Last

The kids got up, the dog is up, and everyone's waiting for the bus.

Now, the bus has left, and I'm back at the computer to fill everyone in on all the coming and goings. Duke, the family dog, has taken up an unusual habit. About a month ago, I started adding a bit of wet (canned) food to his diet and the dog has never been so excited to eat...It's funny to watch. Of course, this leads to the inevitable everytime we open a can he thinks it's for him thing that dogs do. Back to his nasty habit; he's taken to eating his poop. Dogs are truly stupid creatures, in his reasoning, according to the vet, since I've changed his food and it tastes so good the first time, the shit musts taste good also. I've never eaten anything so good that made me want to consume my shit .

Rainbird is driving me insane these days, what with the golf thing happening next week and all, and his preparations for the "event" all I can say is that I hope that he doesn't do this next year. Piss-boy, cleaned out his bird's cage and I think he picked up a little in his room. Inlaws bought a stained glass thing that they want hung in a window and of course are calling Rainbird to do this--Why don't they call their other son?

K (sister in law) called, she said that her husband D is excited about the baby and they are putting their house on the market to buy a bigger house. D has forever been jealous of Rainbird, though, its taken Rainbird years to figure it out, so I can't wait to see the bigger house. In-laws, meaning Rainbird and D's parents have already said that they aren't giving D a dime toward buying a home, I have a feeling that they were asked to donate.

Maybe K will one day wise up and leave D for good. Yeah, right.

Just Another Busy Day

After hearing that Fredo was good at school I started doing some housework, washed some clothes, dusted and vacuumed while I pensively waited for Fredo to come home. Then after seeing that he was good, no notes from the teacher, I did more laundry. K (sister in law) came over with nephew complaining that he won't nurse anymore because she's pregnant. I just listened while folding the clothes.

It's Getting Better All the Time

Fredo, last night before bed, I told him to put on his pajamas and he did it, then this morning I told him to get up and get himself dressed for school and the next thing I knew he was downstairs fully dressed. Well, he was wearing the same clothes as yesterday, I guess I wasn't specific enough, but we didn't have the morning argument about school. I just went upstairs and got him a different shirt, and clean socks, helped him with those and helped him with his school shoes, yes, he can put those on, but the socks he twists up. He drank his juice and ate all of a nutragrain bar. I'll have to remember to get him so pop-tarts also since I know he likes those and pick up some other granola bars for Piss-boy (more about him later).

I did finally speak to the teacher, she phoned this morning, and I told her to be sure to let me know if he does misbehave as he had before. If he does she'll send home a note or a piece of paper and said she'd follow-up with a phone call. The important thing for both of us, is when he does misbehave (which I'm sure he will just to check) we don't let it become a habit. It's also important that he knows that he won't get away with it.

Today was the first day they had all the kindergarteners walk to class by themselves. I asked Fredo if he did that and he said he did. I'll find out later if Piss-boy led him or if he really did by himself. I want Fredo to get used to the routine, in case Piss-boy ever misses a day of school, so he's not completely lost without his brother. Expecting him to just follow everyone else, isn't going to work, considering he was carrying around his hip-pocket information for a couple days, instead of giving it to the teacher when she asked for it.

Conversely, Piss-boy is ticking me off. This morning when I went into his room his bird's water was filthy and the poor thing had no food, his comforter was on the floor and pillows and toys were scattered. He's leaving his dirty clothes on the floor along with the wet towel and we've talked before that this is unacceptable. Okay, I could write off the comforter and clothing but not caring for his bird, and the wet towels aren't going over well with me.

Thanks to a couple of really good friends, namely Brie and Cindy, I'm learning that positive reinforcement works better than negative. Just not sure how exactly to apply it to Piss-boy, but I'm confident I'll come up with something. I've already decided on Friday, Piss-boy will get to play the game cube when he gets home from school and if Fredo is still playing it, he'll have to stop. I know it's probably bothering Piss-boy that his brother gets to play it during the week and he doesn't, but I also feel that if I let Piss-boy have that privilege he'll abuse it. After last year, I still don't trust him.

In other news around here, Rainbird, is preparing for his pilgrimage to California for an extended weekend of golf. He'll leave a week from today and return either Sunday or Monday. I'm studying to take the driver's knowledge test for here and I'm a little nervous about it...Not really so much about the test but the idea of having to go and do that. My old California license expires on my birthday in November so I'd better get it taken care of soon, preferably before Rainbird leaves again for California for a deposition in early November.

I'm Tired...

I haven't been sleeping well enough I guess the past few nights. I know, I shouldn't watch TV but last night I wanted to see the premiere of Boston Legal. It was a hoot and since on Sunday, I missed the first half hour of Desperate Housewives, I felt I was owed as much. That said, 5 am comes much to quickly, and I was dragging most of the morning but I did manage to get the cooktop cleaned thoroughly, the upstairs dusted and some laundry done before the little son came home from school.

I hope I can believe him that he was good at school today because I couldn't get a hold of his teacher. Maybe she'll call tomorrow, and hopefully he'll keep doing well so that he can play his game cube. I really need to work out a system with her so that I know right away if he's misbehaved but I swear I was talking to a neighbor, she's a teacher too, and she told me that she's too busy write a frown face on a piece of paper. Really that pisses me off, they want parents involved but they don't want to make any kind of an effort. This whole reward thing hinges on the fact that I hear from the teacher that he's been acting out in class...Otherwise what's the point? What's the point of allowing him to play the game cube on days when he's good when I can't get a hold of the teacher and find out if he was good to begin with? If I make him wait to play it and she doesn't call, like today, he'd miss a whole day and what's the point of being good in school?

I guess I'm just frustrated.

I'm Hopeful

The teacher said today he had an "awesome" day. I hate to admit it but Rainbird was correct. He's playing the game now, and he has just a little time left to play it. I told him if he's good at school like he was today, he can play it again tomorrow.

We're also going to do other rewards for longer periods when he's good. I'm going to make sure he goes to bed early tonight and encourage him to eat each morning too (most times he doesn't).

I hope it works.

Ugh

Fredo moaned this morning when I woke him up that he didn't want to go to school. He told me that he won't go. I ignored the comment and got him up anyway. Rainbird and I had a lengthy talk last night about him and we decided to use positive reinforcement, which means that if I get a good report from his teacher, he can play the game cube for a while today--since that's what he really likes. I've also decided that he may watch TV when he gets home from school until I hear from his teacher. If she says that he misbehaved then the cartoons are shut off, and no game cube. I hate being this way but I have to. I don't know what else to do with him.

I couldn't sleep well last night, just very tired and wish there was a way to make him understand but there is not. It pains me greatly to see him like this and know that he doesn't understand why it's important for him to try to do something in school. I'm supposed to be reading to him each day for 15 minutes and he refused--why does everything have to be such a struggle?

With Fredo, there are always more questions than answers. I wish he had potty-trained younger, then he could have started pre-school earlier; I wish I had never let him watch TV at all, but I thought it wasn't fair to his brother. I should have pushed harder when he was younger.

It's my fault.

The shoe dropped...Or...

I could just cry. I just got a call from Fredo's teacher, and it wasn't to praise him or tell me that he needs to be in first grade. Fredo is refusing to participate in school and crying now when he doesn't get his way. His teacher said he was crying so loud, he was causing a disturbance.

That is unacceptable and I told his teacher that. His teacher told me, "well, he's young still and needs to learn." I told her, "what? He's six!"

Long silence.

I then explained that Fredo was in Pre-K last year, because I knew he wasn't ready to start Kindergarten. She was floored. I said to her that I understood, he's small, but he was born in August, 1999.

Is it possible to make any more mistakes where this child is concerned? I've tried speaking with him but I doubt he hears what I say. I'm so frustrated, I could just cry. I will tell him that he's not watching TV until he gets a good report from his teacher, no movies or anything. No Game Cube, but I also fear that if I take away too much, he'll resent school even more because he's not connecting the fact that HIS actions are the cause and not because of school in general.

Let's just say that this is one of my worst fears being realized. The other fear involves him on a clocktower with a semi-automatic. He said that his teacher was mean and wouldn't let him go outside for recess and he'd rather go to jail than go back to school.

I Love You, but I Don't Like You Very Much

That's how I began my day. Rainbird is upset because his family is coming over for dinner and the house in his opinion is "wreck." I demurely shrugged him off. I hadn't slept well and last night, and wanted to go to K-mart to get Pissboy some new pillows for his bed (Kmart carries the best cheap pillows).

I don't even have a clue what I will prepare for dinner tonight, as I hadn't really thought about it and that led Rainbird to ask if I'm depressed. I have so much to not be depressed over, I told him as my voice dripped from sarcasm and I meant each word of it.

Maybe at times, my sarcasm button gets pushed at the wrong time and words just come out not exactly how I mean for them to come out--much like today. I really hadn't meant for the comment to sound sarcastic, though, Freud might argue that I had meant for it. Not that I subscribe to much of Freud's beliefs.

I wonder if everyone does that or if it's just me?

I'm aware that some are more sarcastic than others, but does that mean that there is something wrong with those of us blessed with the gift of quick wit and sarcasm. Or, does it mean that I'm somehow jaded in my views and when I have no sensible answer to a query, the sarcasm button is pushed. Maybe the problem is that my sarcasm button is pushed too often and maybe it's pushed more when Rainbird is concerned because he's so damn picky about everything and anything.

So, I guess he doesn't like me too much today, I know he'll get over it and I'm not so crazy about myself either. I really need to work not to push that button so often.

Bad day but still accomplishments

Today started off badly, see the post I fired off about Fredo not wanting to go to school this morning. So, finally I get both the kids out the door, on time for the bus to arrive. We stand there with other children and parents waiting. We waited for 40 minutes when finally, we saw a bus come up the street. The bus was empty and the man driving said there were "issues." What kind of issues, I haven't a clue.

Then I come back into the house and mother in law phones, she phones each morning, and asked why I hadn't called her yet. Well because the bus was late. OMG she asks why was it late. I don't know I tell her. She asks about our weekend plans, reminds me for the hundredth time that Survivor is on tonight and asks what I'm fixing for dinner. I explain that I have to pick something up, because tonight is Back-to-School night. Oh, she said, she'd like to come but there is NO freaking way I'm driving to her house to pick her up then driving all the way to school in the opposite direction. She asked if Rainbird was going, I explained that he was likely busy and would have to miss it. Of course that she understands because he has such an important job (whatever).

So, I sit down for a moment and the phone again rings, this time it's sister in law, K. She wants to go to Target, so I tell her to go--I don't need anything there. I know, I was surprised at those words coming from my mouth too. I tell her that I need to go to Costco more. She said she doesn't need anything from there and goes into a mini tirade about why I shop there in the first place. I ask how my nephew is, and she tells me, fine. Then, she tells me, well accuses me that I don't like D, Rainbird's brother. Okay, she had me there, I think D is an abusive cocksucker that doesn't deserve anything and K was better off when he wasn't around (gosh that felt good to say). I lie and say if you're happy that's enough for me. K then tells me that if she is pregnant again, she's keeping the baby because it makes D so happy. I feel my stomach lurch into my throat while wondering why idiots can breed/reproduce without any issues what-so-ever.

After seeing Fredo come off the bus, we got into the car and drove to a very crowded Costco. Of course Fredo was hungry, tired and still whinny from this morning, and somehow thought it was a great time to announce that he wasn't going back to school EVER. So, I decided to inform him that he's going to school tonight (for Back-to-School night). That shut him up and I knew that mouse wheel in his head was turning trying to figure out why we're going back tonight. Maybe he's afraid, I'll leave him there.

When I got home, I got a bug up my butt that I want the furnace checked and gas fireplace looked at, since they say prices of natural gas are going up. Don't get me started on that rant...I'm close to exploding as it is.

I also called for more estimates on gutters. So far the guy that walked passed my house was cheapest. I still don't know though about just hiring him.

So, you don't want to go to school, eh?

Fredo refused to get up this morning for school. Rainbird, naturally, was no help, ditto with Pissboy. So, it was Fredo V Me. Silly kid thought he would win if he didn't get off his bunk bed (he sleeps on the top bunk).

Let me explain Fredo's room, he has all his things out on every surface of the room, the lower bunk, tables, floor. He has them arranged, and throws a fit if you touch anything (though he doesn't always notice when I remove things). So, I start by removing thing off his toy box and he screams at me to stop, so I remove another. I put the things back and tell him to get off his bed NOW. He doesn't move. So I take my arm and sweep it across the toy box. He screams and I smile as I begin throwing things inside the near-empty box. I turn and physically pull him off the bunk bed, and he begins taking the stuff out of his toy box; I note a few extra things are being added, probably some fool attempt to punish me or something. LOL.

We go downstairs as Rainbird is leaving for work and Fredo gives him that pathetic look. Rainbird tussles his hair and smiles at him. Pissboy didn't say a word, just went along with his morning routine. Most mornings, he doesn't complain this much. Guess, he felt the need to push his limits a little. Maybe now he'll remember I push back.

My dog is a better mother than I

You might ask me why I say that. Duke, the family dog, wakes when little son wakes (he never woke when the older child went to school). Patiently, he waits for the child to decide if he'll eat his breakfast and doesn't hound or nag the child that he's running late. Gratefully Duke eats the left-overs and quickly dashes up the stairs with the child, watching him silently as he brushes his teeth and goes to the bathroom. I think Duke is secretly impressed with how high he lifts his leg when he pee's. Then, Duke makes certain that he walks down the stairs first, just in case the little one stumbles, Duke will break the fall. Duke carefully positions himself between the front door and the little one as he's putting his jacket on, protectively not allowing anyone to open the door until it's time. He watches pensively from the window as the little one, accompanied by the foster mom (me), and his sibling, and waits there until he sees the bus. Duke then, barks ferociously at the bus, as if to warn everyone that his boy is getting on board.

Then it would seem the child is forgotten. The dog goes outside and does his business, lays on the deck, eats his breakfast and then, makes his way up the stairs, laying on the floor outside the little child's messy room. He doesn't go inside the room, or eyes the plethora of toys on the floor so suitable for chewing; he just lays there waiting.

At precisely 10:52 AM, the dog jumps onto the sofa he's not normally allowed on, and looks out the window until he sees the familiar bus drive up the street about 2 minutes later. He yelps in a playful way, and jumps against the door, and seems to panic a little if no one rushes outside to greet the bus. The door is opened, but Duke follows the rules, no matter how badly he wants to run to his boy he waits until he's closer then he welcomes him home.

Tales of a disorganized housewife

Is it bad to say housewife, or is it homemaker, domestic engineer? Well, whatever you call it, I'm lousy at it at times. Home organization is huge issue in this house, husband is the very organized Virgo-type A personality, despite his Pisces birth, who
thrives in an organized space.

I'm not like that but it's not that I'm lazy, it's just that I lack the resolve when it comes to many things, like keeping the monthly bills organized. I am forever forgetting, or losing some bills. Even though, I have a spot right beside the computer for them, I never seem to remember to put them there. I used to keep them by phone, and that seemed to work better for me but then I'd forget to pay them (a bigger problem, in my opinion).

I don't always do laundry when I probably should either, sometimes I just let the clothes, towels or whatever pile up a little (okay, a lot). I also never seem to make sure my tires have enough air in them, another thing that my husband gets pissy about. Please don't ask me why, I don't know, maybe they don't appear to have no air in them, so I don't think about.

I don't vacuum the carpet as often as I should, husband points that out to me also, sometimes I let it go a whole week before doing it, when I know, especially with white carpets, it should be done at least twice a week, three times would likely be better. I do try to clean the toilets once a week, because normally the boy's bathroom stinks to high heaven and it starts drifting down the stairs. Nothing like walking into the house with strong piss odor coming from the boy's bathroom.

But, frankly my husband is used to these quirks in my personality, until a few weeks ago, I'd forgotten to take out the trash (I normally do it each week), and put it by the curb for pick-up. Garbage piled up for a week because of that mistake, and husband wasn't happy about it either. Now, the latest thing is that we need to have our gutters cleaned for winter, and as always husband has been asking me to take care of that.

I'll admit I don't look at the gutters daily, so I keep forgetting about it. He looks at them though. I don't even know if we should be doing this so soon, after all fall is coming, and the gutters will just fill with leaves anyway. Of course, it will start raining and if they're filled, they won't work and that can lead to roofing problems, he informs me. So, I get something in the mail from a gutter service, they also clean windows, so I put the card aside making a mental note to call them on Monday. I tell him that I'll take care of it.

Monday comes and goes, and as you can imagine, I made no phone calls, except to chat with a few friends. Tuesday, nothing, Wednesday, again, nothing. Suddenly, this morning he asked about it. Had I called? Um, no, not yet. He had that disapproving look on his face as he left for work, glancing around the house before he did.

I hate it when he does that! I know he's right but I still hate it. Sometimes, I know I feel like an obstinate child, who is not going to take orders, and I even feel like stamping my foot in opposition to his authority.

So, I go looking for the gutter cleaner's card. I can't find it. I thought I had put it on the fridge, but it's not there. I panic as I search through piles of crap that likely should have been tossed out weeks ago. I'm nearly in tears of shame as I finally locate it, Fredo had spied it and thought it was something fun to play with. He put it with his books. I tuck it in with the bills and hope I remember to call later.

I'm so...Continued

I don't know, I just would love for someone to explain to me how the world became such a fucked up place! Everyone blames everyone else and no one knows or understands how to accept personal responsibility for their personal actions. I have a friend that's driving me crazy, of course, she's a classic narcissist, so it isn't really her fault. Uh huh.

Then there is husband with his own issues he's struggling with. He's falling deeper into a depression, and though he's on medicine for it, it's not helping him. His anxiety is getting worse by the day and he's having trouble working, or concentrating on work. Odd because he truly loves his job and everything about it, but now he's got all this fear and he can't deal with it and I can't help him. Such a powerless feeling--it's overwhelming. I hope things improve, it's all I can do now.

I'm so.....

You can fill in the blank yourself. Disgusted, disgruntled, tired, mentally drained all spring to mind. Just down, I suppose is most accurate.

Where I'm from and where I am now

This is where I was from...

You Know You're From The San Francisco Bay Area When...

You go to "The City" on weekends but don't live there because you like your car.

You can drive 15 miles north, South or East of the City and hit 100 degree temperatures, but in San Francisco the predicted "high" temp is 63.

Your home computer contains mostly hardware/software that is not on the consumer market yet.

You spend more time in your office and car than in your house.

You stop asking how much things cost, but instead ask "how long will it take?"

You know where Woz Way, Resistor Avenue, and Floppy Drive are located.

You know who and where Woz is.

You know that 280 North goes west and that 680 North goes east.

It rained ... and the spiders came in ... and the ants came in ... and the mice came in.

You realize that even though Microsoft employs quite a few programmers in the Bay Area, they only work on PowerPoint.

None of the people you work with are bible thumpers.

You get email from a co-worker at 10:00PM ... and you are both still in the office.

Your favorite computer reseller speaks only Cantonese.

You get the same off-color email joke from 17 people in the same hour, and one of them is your spouse.

Your "personal shopper" has become engaged to your "career coach".

You know that "taking the Nerd Bird" means you're flying to L.A ... for the 3rd time in a week.

You recently built your children their first "tilt-up" concrete playhouse.

You bought stock in Starbucks just for the free chocolate-covered coffee beans.

You bought stock in Webvan just because you hate going to the market and were pissed off when the company went under because no one could shop there.

You make $120,000 a year, yet still can't afford a place to live.

Your combined household income is $150,000 and you can't afford shoes for the kids

You think anything slower than DSL is barbaric, but can't get it in your neighborhood

You and your spouse almost come to blows deciding to hit Peet's or Starbuck

You met your neighbors once

When asked about your commute you answer in time, not distance

Even though you work 80 hours per week on a computer, for relaxation you read your email and peruse eBay

You have worked at the same job for a year and people call you an 'old-timer'

You can name four different programming languages and you are not a programmer

You remember the names of the three closest cheap sushi joints, the location of all the Fry's in the area and which companies your friends work for that are going public in the next year, but don't know the name of the mayor

Standing in line at Starbucks you wonder why the employees don't call a head hunter

You work 6 miles from your home and spend two hours a day commuting and $60 a week on gas

Winter is when your lawn grows too fast and summer is when it dies

The median price of a house is $500,000...for 1000 sq. ft. with no yard because it's a town house

You live on some of the richest farm land in the world but most of what you eat comes from South America on a boat

Your best friend lives across town but you hardly ever see each other because after your commute you're too pooped to spend another hour driving to their home

You plan your vacation so that you don't have to drive back from the airport in commute hours

You don't go to sporting events unless you are given tickets by your employer

You could sell your home and live like a king in 99% of the rest of the world, but don't because it would be difficult to move back.

You have at least three computers at home.

You own at least one domain on the Internet, probably several.

You think it's normal to see chip-design software or relational databases advertised on freeway billboards.

You know that California isn't just one big beach.

You know that not everyone in California surfs.

You know there's lots of skiing in California.

You know your rotating outage block number at home and at work, and listen for them whenever there are rolling blackouts.

If someone refers to "SunnytogaDeAnzavale Road", you laugh and know what they're talking about.

You take your out-of-town friends to see the techie gadgets at Fry's. But you don't let them buy anything.

You know how to recognize re-sealed returned electronics at Fry's.

You don't ask the staff any questions at Fry's. You know they hire idiots and pass the savings on to you.

You watch dot-com boomers go back to the states they came from, and the traffic gets better by the month. But you are home so you're not moving.

You own a Sport Utility Vehicle and have never taken it off-road. You wouldn't know what to do if you tried. Same with all your friends.

You don't know how to drive in snow. You're a road hazard when you visit the mountains.

You think the horn and middle finger are essential driving tools.

You think bicycles don't belong on the road.

You think any car ahead of you doesn't belong on the road.

Your out-of-state friends are impressed at how much money you make... until you tell them how much you pay for housing.

You know that a "fixer-upper" home could cost a half-million dollars.

Or the half-million dollar price-tag is for the land that condemned house sits upon.

You do a "California stop" at stop signs. And you think it's only Californians who call them that.

You aren't bothered much by earthquakes because you're ready for them. But the thought of tornadoes and hurricanes terrifies you.

You clearly remember where you were when the Loma Prieta quake hit.

You know several funny stories about swimming pools in the quake.

You can't recognize a thunderstorm without seeing lightning first.

You cringe when a Southern Californian refers to highways like "the 101". It's just "101". No "the".

You call low clouds "fog" even if they're hundreds of feet off the ground.

At least once you have gone to San Francisco for the day wearing shorts and a t-shirt because it was a warm clear day in San Jose. And you froze your little *@#!% off in the fog, drizzle and wind.

You say you're from Silicon Valley because no one knows where San Jose is.

You understand the meaning of the term Oracle Mile.

You wonder why the traffic always backs up in Millbrae on 101 South.

You cringe when you hear out of towners say the names of cities or worse call San Francisco "Frisco".

And this is where I live now.


You know you're from the Pacific Northwest when...

1. You know the state flower (mildew)

2. You feel guilty throwing aluminum cans or paper in the trash.

3. Use the statement "sun break" and know what it means.

4. You know more than 10 ways to order coffee.

5. You know more people who own boats than air conditioners.

6. You feel overdressed wearing a suit to a nice restaurant.

7. You stand on a deserted corner in the rain, waiting for the'WALK' signal.

8. You consider that if it has no snow or has not recently erupted, it is not a real mountain.

9. You can taste the difference between Starbucks, Seattle 's Best, and Venetos'.

10. You know the difference between Chinook, Coho, and Sockeye salmon.

11. You know how to pronounce Sequim, Puyallup , Issaquah , Oregon , Yakima and Willamette.

12. You consider swimming an indoor sport.

13. You can tell the difference between Japanese, Chinese and Thai food.

14. In winter, you go to work in the dark and come home in the dark... - while only working 8-hour days.

15. You never go camping without waterproof matches and a poncho.

16. You are not fazed by "Today's Forecast: showers followed by rain." AND by "Tomorrow's Forecast: rain followed by showers."

17. You cannot wait for a day with "showers and sun breaks."

18. You have no concept of humidity without precipitation.

19. You know that Boring is a town in Oregon and not just a state of mind!

20. You can point to at least two volcanoes, even if you cannot see through the cloud cover.

21. You notice, "The mountain is out" when it is a pretty day and you can actually see it.

22. You put on your shorts when the temperature gets above 50, but still wear your hiking boot and parka.

23. You switch to your sandals when it gets about 60, but keep the socks on.

24. You have actually used your mountain bike on a mountain.

25. You think people who use umbrellas are either wimps or tourists.

26. You knew immediately that the view out of Fraziers' window was fake.

27. You buy new sunglasses every year, because you cannot find the old ones after such a long time.

28. You measure distance in hours.

29. You often switch from "heat" to "a/c" in the same day.

30. You use a down comforter in the summer.

31. You carry jumper cables in your car and your wife knows how to use them.

32. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit under a raincoat.
33. You get into arguments with your spouse over Seattle's Best and Peets.

34. You can root for the Beavers without snickering.

35. You know all the important seasons: Almost Winter, winter, still raining (spring), Road Construction (Summer), Deer & Elk season (Fall).

36. Your amazed that nearly everyone you meet was born in California.