Leaving on a Jet Plane

Rainbird is leaving tomorrow for his last business trip of the year. He must be at the airport around 5 AM for his 6:40 AM flight, which means he will have to wake at 4:30 AM. Today, he asked me to pack his bag, which I did for him. I know he'll be working late tonight, which is why he asked. No problem right? Well, no, but again yes.

See, I'm scared to death to fly, and by that fear, I tend to apply it to others that I care about and this trip is different because he has to drive himself once he arrives at The City, normally past law firms would pay for or arrange transportation, but since he works for a hospital they will pay for the rental. Rainbird hasn't been most responsible person in the world, and tends to live by the credo that the car must get home. I don't know if I'm more freaked out about the flight or the fact he'll be driving around The City. Of course he tells me not worry and that my fears are unreasonable, which they likely are.

Does that make the fears less valid? Lately, I've been so preoccupied with his trip, I can hardly think of anything else. I used to be different, if he went away on trip, I'd hardly give him another thought, unless he called. Now, I worry constantly about him. I'm afraid if something happens to him what would happen to the kids and I? Yes, I know there is life insurance, and the amount should be enough to pay off the mortgage, so that is a huge burden. But who would go to Costco and put new furnace filters in? Who would watch stupid movies on TV with me?

The truth is that I would miss him. With all the bad things that have happened this year, I would miss him terribly and it's only taken me 20 years to figure it out.

A friend pointed out that maybe since I moved here, I've become too dependent on him and with that dependence is a lot of fear. I think she's right.