An Embarrassing Moment in Time

This is the one thing I have never told anyone except for one person and he passed away years ago. Now for the situation, some years ago after suffering for years the effects of painful migraines my gynecologist felt the likely culprit was birth control pills. I began "shopping" for a new birth control method that would allow me some measure of freedom and didn't require me to hand the guy something. So, I'm in the gynecologist's office and just had the dreaded Pap smear and we're discussing the various methods of birth control. The gynecologist felt I was too young to have my tubes tied and felt since I was prone to heavy periods an IUD wasn't the answer either. She felt a diaphragm was the best solution for me and I agreed, so she took out her kit to fit me for one. After finding what she felt was the right size and making me walk around repeatedly in that flimsy gown to make sure, she decided to have me try to insert it. She carefully instructed me to fold the diaphragm like a "taco" and slide it in then loaded it up with KY Jelly to make insertion easier and because it has about the same consistency of that spermicide, you insert inside the diaphragm. She handed me the diaphragm and encouraged me to try, so I took it and folded in the manner she described and just as the words "like this?" are escaping my mouth the thing shoots across the room. It hit the gynecologist in the forehead, right between the eyes leaving behind a large gob of KY Jelly that dropped onto her nose just as the diaphragm hit the floor by her feet. Mind you I'm in this little paper gown, with a possibly unshaven leg on the stirrup in a most undignified, unlady-like position I could be in. I recall the doctor blinking several times as I remained frozen with a look of horror on my face, and my fingers still trying to make the "taco" position to air. The more dignified doctor, excused herself and escaped through the door before I could speak as the reality of what occurred began to sink in. I was aghast, unable to move until I heard through the door the doctor bursting out in laughter and saying, "you're not going to believe this" and another voice asking, "why do you have lube on your nose?" I trembled and somehow remained quiet as the gynecologist returned after a minute or two. Her white coat was now gone and she was in "birthing scrubs," with one of those hardhat styled masks that covered her entire face, forehead to chin. Without missing a beat she picked up the diaphragm, still laying on the floor, washed it off in the sink, and lubed it up again before handing it back to me and said, "shall we try this again…Fold it like a taco and insert it." To this day the words Taco and Gynecologist makes my stomach turn. Thankfully, they aren't used in the same sentence often. ©2004 Whimsical Ranter All Rights Reserved