Who the hell???? And Stupid item of the day.

Someone I don't really know has been in contact with me about my class reunion, which I didn't attend. She sent me a link with some pictures and all I could say was who the fuck were these people! I didn't recognize a single face. I even double and triple checked to make sure I had the right class.

If I had any doubts about attending before there were certainly erased by seeing those pictures.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I get email updates on weather from weather Sometimes, I've found the weather changes a lot here. For example this morning the expected high was only going to 84 now it's expected to reach 89 as a high.

Getting more to the point. When the temps say sunny and warm high of 89...but when it says Sunny and Hot high of 90, I have to giggle. I guess one degree is the difference between warm and hot.

What did I observe today?

I watched in amazement as my little son (he'll soon be six) stuck two straws up his nose and made bubbles in his milk until he giggled and inhaled.

Wondered who fed my dog popcorn because he's been farting all day.

Watched my husband repeatedly scratch his ass.

Decided that I'll no longer shave my husband's ass while he sleeps.

Asked my older son (piss boy) loudly, if he needed new underwear in Target, then proceeded to tell him they no longer had SpongeBob "panties" in his size (he's 11).

Watched my husband try to trim his goatee and wonder why his trimmer wasn't working right, knowing full well I've dulled the blade trimming my bush.

Watched Piss Boy's eyes start watering because he was laying his head near the dog's ass.

Watched Piss Boy clean up dog shit in the back yard then, carefully arranging each turd into a paper sack, water the plants, then go to pick up the paper sack filled with shit and look shocked when the bottom of the bag broke.

Is there a pill for everything?

Have you noticed all the pharmaceutical commercials on TV? Last night while flipping channels I came across such commercial for restless leg syndrome. Apparently, if you can't sit still and feel the uncontrolled urge to stand, there is a pill you can take that will make you more sedentary. I'm not sure what shocked me about this, except for the fact that I'm not at all certain such a condition really exists.

Imagine this, you're at a dinner party filled with people, you're seated on a sofa with the worlds most boring person prattling on about nothing. Suddenly, you have the urge to get up--the urge starts in your big toes and moves up your whole leg until you finally jump up. The person talking to you is taken aback at your seemingly rapid departure until they hear you say, "It's okay, I suffer from restless leg syndrome."

Now I wonder how exactly they come up with these "syndromes" that go along with their drugs or do they simply invent the syndrome to go along with a drug so that it won't be a wash out? Imagine again some guys seated in a board room, saying, "Okay we've got a drug that makes you want to sit, how shall we market this? Never mind it's actually a negative side effect for the drug we designed to give runners more endurance (I don't know if that's true but often that's how drugs are discovered). The other thing that really cracks me up are some of the "warnings" that go along with certain drugs. For example, a certain antidepressants some of the "less serious" side effects include sexual dysfunction, eating troubles (i.e., gastric), weight gain, etc., but what the hell as long as you're feeling better.

It just all seems a little bit silly to me. Like the commercial with the woman sitting in the meeting with a million different thoughts going through her mind, saying that suffers from adult attention deficit syndrome. Ironically I saw another on TV that had nearly the same claim, but it was for a non addictive forming sleep aid.

While I'm on this new subject exactly what exactly does non-habit forming, or non-addicting mean? Can't anything be habit forming? I use earplugs, after so many years I can't sleep without them; I wonder if they make non-habit forming earplugs. I just find it difficult to believe that if you take something each night to help you sleep, eventually you're going to form a habit. Just like brushing your teeth in morning or going to the bathroom when you first wake (maybe sort of).

This subject will now move into another (though related) rant for feminine hygiene products and those pithy sexual dysfunction for men commercials. Have you seen the one with the girls in the classroom passing around a tampon while the idiot teacher asks if she has enough for everyone, causing her to reply maybe for the girls. Or the pad commercials with wings, flaps and now thinner than ever. It makes me want to pull my hair out, so one of those female hair loss products might come in handy, but not as badly as the ones on Spike TV about "Bob." The "Bob" commercial is set in the 1950's and suffers apparently from sexual dysfunction, and takes a pill once a day, and proceeds to lead the conga line around the barbecue--his wife looks happier too. What about the guy walking through the office and everyone wonders what's different about him...I guess what is different is that he finally got a hard on.

Next rant will likely be about why they make adults on cartoons or sitcoms appear so stupid.

Ripple in still water

There is a road, no simple highway,
Between the dawn and the dark of night,
And if you go no one may follow,
That path is for your steps alone.

R. Hunter

Yesterday sister in law finally gave birth, so I went over to her house and cleaned it up, brother in law was grateful. On the way home, I realized in my eagerness to help my inlaws, I forgot to cook dinner for my own family, so we stopped at the market. I picked up a few things to get us through the weekend (we still need to do real grocery shopping) and I started my Target shopping list while I threw dinner together.

Dh was unimpressed by the meal and commented that our own house needed cleaning and I hate it when he makes those not-so-little comments, so I began tidying up. Which led to doing laundry, washing the hardwood floors, dusting and changing sheets. I was too tired to continue after cleaning the bathroom toilets, so I'll wash those floors next week.

It was then Dh decided that I need a better schedule to help me manage housework better. I know what he's saying, oftentimes I get distracted and don't bother, until the weekend. I understand that weekends should be family time other wise why stay home at all. I might as well be working, he not so gently explained.

While I bristle at his observations I also see the truth in them and find myself resenting them more. Back in the day when I lived by myself, I would spend roughly 5 minutes each evening tidying something up--not cleaning mind you, just getting rid of the clutter. Waking at three am wasn't so bad then either. Would it make family life better to put myself on a schedule? What about the children--would they benefit from a more structured life too? I find the answers obvious but also not easy to deal with. It sounds like work, and frankly I'm not good at that anymore.

Still, he might be right about all this. Life is too loosey goosey, the kids spend too much time watching TV and playing video games. I probably spend too much time surfing the web, looking up stupid stuff and chatting online. Maybe this schedule idea is worth thinking about?

When did I become so resentful toward my husband that even good ideas end up sounding like bad ones? Is it because I'm depressed and undiagnosed? Would a diagnosis somehow give me a excuse for my apparent laziness? As I reach deeply inside to answer these questions I consider right or wrong replies, especially to resentment question. Yes, I am resentful, when did it happen, I'm not entirely certain, probably when he started leaving me notes of daily tasks. Especially when some friends mentioned they thought that was a horrible thing for him to do--and they found it incredibly insulting. So did I really but I kept silent because, rather than express to him how demeaning it was, I just learned to live with it. When I did explain it to him finally, he stopped and frankly so did my housework; that's not entirely true. I just found I enjoyed the freedom to do more with my time and the chores went on the back burner.

Now he just leaves notes when he needs me to do extra things and knows he won't be able to call me during the day.

As to my depression questions, no it's not that; but rather it is that I'm just lazy and would rather sometimes spend time doing nothing or watching something stupid on TV than running the vacuum cleaner. I do cook nearly everyday, but that's to be expected since my Dh doesn't get home early enough to do that anyway, and again why should he, he works all day earning money for us to live on. I'm the one that doesn't earn money, so the household chores should fall on me to do it's only natural--isn't it?

Why am I stalling? Because I'm hurt that I'm such a failure. I have a problem about dealing with confrontations, but I guess I'm learning that the confrontations don't have to be with other people; I can't even confront myself.

Here's Lucy!!!!!!!!!!!!

So, I decided to sweep the deck, why when my kitchen needs sweeping? Because sometimes it's more fun to sweep outside than inside I suppose. So, I pick up the mat by the door, hang it over the side of the deck (its a two story deck), and start shaking. I drop the mat. It lands on dh's canopy that covers his precious hot tub. Can you say FUCK? I knew you could. The mat is heavy made from old tires or some shit, and I can see it actually starting to rip the canopy.

I take a long broom handle and flip it onto the ground. I'm barefoot, so I call for "piss boy" and send him down the steps (I call them death steps), to retrieve the mat. Meanwhile I start sweeping again and after dusting piss boy with leaf debris he returns. While I was doing that, though, I swept the extension cord for the lights dh has going down the death steps. It's dangling off the side of the deck...

"Oh piss boy," I call
"Now what?" He replies.
"I seem to have swept the cord out on the side of the deck." I inform him.
"What cord?" he asks, clearly stalling.
"The cord for the lights." I patiently explain.<>
"What lights?" He asks with a sweet smirk on his face.

I explain that he must get down and try to reach under the deck to retrieve the cord. He said he could reach it from below, I further explained that he's too short.

"Just do it." I say trying not to loose my temper.

He groans like his father as he gets down on his hands and kneels and lays on his belly, stretching his arm under the deck slats. I can clearly (peering over the railing) see that he had hold of it, but let go.

"I can't reach it." Piss boy informs me.

I explain to him that I saw him touch it. Begrudgingly, he does it.

I wrap the cord around the post, so that it doesn't happen again and piss boy returns to his video game.

The Wait

Wasn't that the name of a song? I think it was by The Band. Anyway right now the wait is about waiting for a baby to be born. My sister-in-law's baby specifically. This weekend is the brother in law's birthday. I know my sister in law, when she heard the due date secretely hoped that the baby wouldn't come on that day but here we are a week away and still waiting for it.

Well, my mil just called, and I thought she was going to chat about all the work being done to their house (they bought a new home last year and it's time for them to fix stuff), but instead she said that sister in law went to the hospital. Her contractions are 5 minutes apart, lets just hope they are real contractions.

Time for a real update

Well, today has been the first day that I've been able to relax a little. Did very little housework, though the house needs a thorough going over. I woke up this morning and started calling places about our A/C, and got really lucky. I guess everyone was calling all weekend for service. The guy was at our house by 9:15 AM by 11 he was finished and we were again cool. The temps today reached 95 here so much for living in the cold, raining, Pacific Northwest. Dh went to work late because he wanted to be here when the AC person came. After he left for work, I set out exploring this new computer and have decided that I really like it a lot, couldn't really enjoy having it since I was so pissy about the A/C. I loaded a whole lot of music into my iTunes and have been listening to my "chick" music all day! Right now, I'm listening to some new age music from this old PBS show called In Search of Angels, when I first watched the show I loved the music and traveled I don't know how far to Tower Records to buy it--Something I hardly ever do at least since graduating high school. Speaking of High School, my 20th reunion was this past weekend, I guess in the Bay Area. I had heard some rumblings about it. Let me tell you about my graduating class. 20 years ago we were seniors, and lost spirit week to sophomores. Yes, we truly stunk as a class. I heard about 40 people were going. Typical...All the geeks, and the women they wanted to screw in the same room.
Today, I also found that I have MSN for messaging. Weird this time it actually works (never could get it to work before). I guess a lot of people have it, so it's all good. I don't really care what I use, but MSN for Mac's isn't that great.

I've also decided to start working on my novel--which I've never finished. Poor Cassie has been stuck somewhere for so long, she likely doesn't recall who her husband is anymore. I'll say it again, I doubt the thing will ever be published but one can dream; can't they?

I've taken to calling my older son "Piss Boy" from the Mel Brooks movie History of the World Part One. There's the scene when all weathly are milling about, and Mel Brooks plays the royal piss boy (the person that goes around carrying the bucket for the king and others to piss in). Just tonight, I said [to him], "oh Piss Boy, please take the clothes out of the dryer and put the clothes in the washer into the dryer and turn it on." He groaned because I interpreted his game time, but went upstairs to do it. When he came down, he asked what did you call me?

I told him that I called him by his name. He said nothing else.

I'm such a good mom.

Mom's Broken

We just got a new computer, now I have to reenter everything and start all over. This is not making me happy in anyway, shape or form.

For the next few days, Mom's broken.

"It wasn't me!"

That was what little son said to me today when he spilled juice in the family room. How could it be me? Then he changed it, saying it was Duke (our family dog)...His brother...His father. Finally he ran out of people to blame, but still wouldn't admit it was his fault only said, "It wasn't me." Really, I'm surprised he didn't blame the bird.

Today, I took my older son shopping and I left the little son at my sister-in-law's house for a couple hours.

After spending a butt load of money at Mervyn's, we went to Target and I found, well, discovered these tee shirts up against the wall. The first one that caught my eye read, "It's my brother's fault." I said, to my son, I have to buy you that tee shirt, then my eye traveled to the shirts below it which read, "I didn't do it!"

Yes, I bought them both!

From a neighbor's distant land...

My heart goes out to those in UK.

I'm sure I'll be updating this again later in the day.

Outside Looking In

I looked at my reflection in the window as I was standing outside smoking a cigarette and wearing my "fat" clothes, and pondered if I really look that fat. A quick examination of myself rendered the decision that yes, I am just that fat. Not curvaceous, not sexy, but fat. I thought about it all night and decided that it was time, so I started the Atkins thing again this morning. Last time after doing it for two weeks, I never lost an ounce, but that said, my clothes did feel looser I suppose.

In any event I'm trying it again.

I also decided that my family room needs a few things, can't eat might as well redecorate (my poor husband will LOVE that). We've been living here for just over a year now, and we still haven't put the sconces up on the walls and I don't know if we ever will. I guess that's going on husband's five year plan. I also told my husband that I will be happy to mow the front yard, if he'll do the edging and older son can pull weeds. I think he would love to see me do it and I in a moment of weakness feel it would be another way to get some exercise.

Tomorrow I'm taking the older child to get some clothes (some for school but he doesn't know about that--so don't tell him), and some clothes for his trip with husband. They're going to go hunting for Thunder Eggs in Oregon. Don't know how much though that will set us back, since digging for them is free (they even loan you a shovel and pick) but they charge you by the pound, then they charge you to cut them.

Back to me and shopping. I'm going to Target, Mervyn's and probably Cost Plus.

Just spoke to inlaws--They have a friend that lives up here now, and she's going out to dinner, and has apparently mentioned this dinner several times to inlaws, well, mother-in-law is now convinced that this friend is just "digging it in" to her. She said they will likely be home tomorrow because they're waiting for the builder to come to their house because they will have owned it a year soon and they need some things fixed. I told her this morning that I'm going shopping whether they can come or not (I'm sure as hell not waiting for them to "fit" it into their schedules). I know exactly what will happen, they won't be able to go, I won't go and decide to wait, then each week it will be other reason that they couldn't go. Finally, I'll get fed up and go without them and have to lie about it. Or I'll get fed up go without them and then, I'll hear, "well we need to go to Target." I'm just not falling for it this time.

Well, going upstairs to do another load of laundry. Next post here will be about where the socks disappear to I'm sure.

Buzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

I called out a bee guy; they're coming this afternoon and it will likely cost us a couple hundred dollars--I told husband and followed it up with a "I don't care" so he said nothing aside from the initial whoa.

I'm just worried because we're supposed to away on vacation this weekend, and the house will be empty, that said, I have no intention of leaving the AC on.

Today, I'm just getting the house clean for when we go away--LOL. husband thinks I'm crazy about this and probably has for years. Even when we were dating I would always have to clean my apartment before leaving and staying with him for a couple weeks. I just like coming home to a clean house and there is nothing wrong with that--but that's just my own slightly psychotic opinion.

Also, today, I met with my therapist and we spent a lot of time discussing the new revelations concerning husband. I really had no idea bad his problem was. Learning this and having a chance to digest it all; I'm finding it makes sense to his behavior. Still, I find myself grappling with the notion that he can't be changed, he can only learn his triggers and avoid them or modify his behavior. I find it difficult to understand in some ways but...I guess that's the way it is.

The bee man just left. 97.00 and that area is guaranteed for year. Whoohooooooo. I nearly kissed the man! There are still a few hovering around but he said in a few days they should go away. Hopefully he's right and I won't see anymore. I also called today and cancelled the gardener officially, I told husband last week I would do it but didn't. I told him to call me to make sure he knew that we were in fact canceling...I hope he got the message. He did all the landscaping for my inlaws' house, they've been calling him for weeks about their dogwood trees he put in that are dying. The trees costs 400 each, and he put in two of them. He hasn't called them yet.

Queer eye for the gay guy

No, you read that correct. My friend M is gay and so is my stylist E. Well, recently, M moved here (he just couldn't stand to be away from me~~smiles~~), and he's going on and on about this guy he met at a place that serves barbecue. I mean, going on and on, and on...You get the idea, I'm sure. He tells me he's really sweet and he's head over heels for the guy. Great, that's wonderful--good for you (I really don't give a shit because there's been like a hundred of these so-called guys he's been head-over-heels for).

I went over to his new house (he bought a nice little fixer in a town not too far from me), and see the new guy, which happens to be my stylist "E".

I know I should be happy at this coincidence but I'm really not. What am I supposed to do if (okay, when) they break up? A good stylist is hard to find.

I'm on a roll

I guess I have to better organize my thoughts, so that I just do this once instead of 20 times a day.

A funny thought occurred to me while I was putting on my mascara. When we stopped in Eureka at the mall because I'd forgotten my make-up for the wedding, I saw they sold blue mascara.

That took me back---way back to the 1970's. My mom had piercing blue eyes (like a lake on a clear day), she would wear a lavender blue eye-shadow all the way from the lid to the eyebrow, and topped with blue mascara. I wonder if anyone actually still wears that?

I can't believe this

Just went outside on the fucking deck and the bees are back. It appears this time there are a lot, and are going under a shingle. I'm so fucking pissed, now I'll have to call a bee man (real one this time, not fucking Orkin) and have them come out to get rid of the little fuckers once and hopefully for all. I told that idiot I'm married to about them and he just laughed, no wonder the damn dog won't go outside today, even though the weather's hot. FUUUUUUUUCK

I'm so not happy about all this.