Wife, Mother, & Closeted Trek Geek

Piss-boy brought home a writing assignment for school with the idea that if you were going to live on another planet what would it be like. I explained that since we know that all the other planets in our solar system are uninhabitable that it’s better to make one up. Well after watching him sit for a couple hours, I realized this was going nowhere fast, so I pulled out my little dark secret out of the closet and set him doing research. The book he used is called The Star Trek Enclyopedia. Everything in there is painstakingly cross-referenced, and it has a complete list of life forms and planets (naturally cross-referenced with episodes and name of specific Star Trek Series).

The Talk You Never Want To Have

Had a talk today with Piss-boy about why Grammy is so weird. See, I was talking to her on the speakerphone, updating her on the goings on here, or at least trying to. She was talking about a funeral she went to and how nice it was seeing everyone again. Piss-boy gave a funny look at that and I explained when I was growing up there was never talk about going to someone’s house for a birthday party, but there was always talk about going to funerals. Grandma looked at funerals as way to see old friends, and family.

Seriously, I’m not making this up. I can clearly recall being younger than Fredo, and looking through Grandma’s massive collection of photo albums, and actually seeing pictures taken at funerals. Not just of the people there but also of the deceased, commingled with pictures of a little Ranter playing the back yard or Christmas; you get the idea I'm sure.

Yes! Can you imagine this conversation that took place less than 5 years ago when I was at Grandma’s house with the children.

Grandma: You remember so and so, they used to do all those crazy things.
Me: No, not really.
Grandma: oh sure you do from the church in town.
Me: No I really don’t.
Grandma: I’m sure they were at our 25th Anniversary.
Me: I was 6 or 7 then, I really don’t remember anything except the fight. (My dad had gotten into a verbal spat with a friend of my grandparents and we left the party before the presents were opened and cake was served. I remember really wanting to eat that cake.)
Grandma: (ignoring the fight comment) Let me find a picture.

Then she disappears for an hour, leaving me to talk with Grandpa, who insists that I remember this person too.

I hear Grandma calling from the Living Room, “I found a picture.”

I cringe as I get up from the kitchen table and walk to where she is. I look at the picture…that is a photograph of someone in a casket (seriously), causing me to blink several times in near disbelief.

Grandma: That’s so and so, you remember him.
Me: shaking my head and feeling like a witness on the stand, “no really, I can’t say I do.” Then I pause.
Grandma: He looked so good; he got the cancer, you know.

I close the photo album.

Me: I really don’t remember him (at this point I’m wondering where this going).
Grandma: His wife passed away.

Now I’m biting my lip trying not to say anything.

The really strange part other than Grandma finds nothing wrong with taking pictures of dead people is the reason she does it. To send copies of the pictures to family members that couldn’t attend the funeral.

I know this sounds awful but no wonder my parents insisted on being cremated.

© 2006