Toilet Talk

This morning I woke up to hear Rainbird talking to the toilet asking it nicely to flush, I guess it was clogged and he didn’t want to bother with getting the plunger. He asked it several times to please go down, and finally it did, and he politely responded with a thank you. I tried not to pay attention but found the whole thing pretty funny.

Outside/In

I’m still reeling from the estimate for initial clean up of our front and back yards, I’m sorry but 700 dollars seems rather steep doesn’t it? Of course none of you know what my yard looks like really but I can assure you I spent a total of maybe 2 hours yesterday pulling weeds (time was actually longer but I had to answer the phone several times). I did, in that time, more than ¾ of my front yard (until the clipping container was filled) and remember I’m overweight, and horribly out of shape. I would imagine that one person that does it for a living would spend maybe an hour doing it. Of course, gardeners don’t send just one person they send several, so who the hell makes 700 dollars an hour and you know the “employees” are likely “undocumented” workers. I really fucking hate that term “undocumented” it’s just a polite way of saying ILLEGAL, which they are. I guess if I go to a bank after hours and make a withdraw it’s an “undocumented” withdraw? Of if I take something from a store without paying for it, it’s an undocumented purchase?

I digress, getting back now to the landscaper charging 700 dollars…Like I said for a team of maybe 4 it’s an hours work. You know they don’t make individually a hundred bucks an hour—come on, maybe their bosses make that much but the works sure as hell don’t. The one that drives the company truck probably makes a bit more (which would be a little more than minimum wage), so you’re talking for that team probably cost somewhere around 25 dollars!!!!!!!!!!!! That 25 bucks might even include gas or maybe we could add 5 bucks more onto it…wholly fuck that’s an outrageous amount of money!

What Have We Become?

Over heated Teflon causing cancer risk and Dow Chemical, one of the leading makers is afraid to remove the chief ingredient for fear of lawsuits. Honestly I don’t blame them what with all those whiny breast implant idiots that claimed their silicone implants caused health problems, which was later found to be unsubstantiated. Of course that didn’t happen until after they settled.

Now the latest is the people involved in the World Trade Center cleanup are suing due to health problems since 9-11 and what’s really sad, is I remember watching on the news the cleanup and thinking then, wonder how many lawsuits this will generate. I feel badly for the families, I really do but some of these people were also involved with search and rescue/recovery. I know it seems trite, but when you sign up to do that type of job, in the midst of a National crisis, which 9-11 was, you couldn’t expect to sit around and wait at a safe distance while they get you the proper HAZMAT suit. What are next, families of people dying in Iraq suing the Federal Government for wrongful death? That is the job you sign up for, good or bad.

Hollywood Watches Out For Bumps?

On to lighter subjects. Since babies are now the latest accessory piece for today’s Hollywood star, it’s no surprise that the paparazzi press has started “the bump watch” it hopes of breaking the news to world which are pregnant. Rest assured, they are in fact working tirelessly snapping pictures of bellies trying to determine who is with child and who isn’t. You can see the flashing headlines in all the tabloids under the heading, is she or isn’t she?

I just love the Ladies Home Journal and other crap magazines that tout how you can lose 20 pounds in a week along with pictures of the hot celebrity house and baby. Of course this goes along with the interview where they talk about being a working mom with the same issues as everyone else. Uh huh. How many working moms have a personal nutritionist to plan their meals while pregnant, can afford to use the special birthing suites at hospitals, complete with chefs and live in staff, so the baby never has to mingle with others in the nursery. How many working moms can afford a personal trainer to get their post pregnancy body back, several nannies, and a personal assistant to just arrange the nanny’s schedule, a personal chef, and housekeeper? Remember, they’re just like you and me.

They sit for the interview in the white living room, with candles burning and fresh flowers everywhere, wearing the white outfit and talking about how difficult motherhood is. When I read an interview and see pictures of a shit-stained sofa, the Hollywood mom, folding diapers, and feeding a baby during the interview then I’ll start to believe them. The paradox is that they want us to believe they are “normal” but the press wants you to believe they are gods and above all the day-to-day crap that happens.

© 2006