Another Random Musing

Forgot to mention another musing:

• I nearly bought Christmas cards that showed Godzilla eating Santa's reindeer, saying "mmm, Venison." The Caption above read: What happens when Santa makes a wrong turn over Tokyo.

I decided not to get those cards, I didn't want to freak out my friends with small kids. I always find weird cards to send.

Fredo Update and Other Random Musings

Well Fredo is doing a little better though it seems one step forward and two steps to the side. We finally got him passed his shitting-in-the-garbage can phase and now we've moved onto the I-don't-wanna-ride-the-school-bus-home phase. Like I said, one step forward, which is; now he's looking at his teacher and understands that it's important that he do so. My inlaws don't understand why the teacher is making an issue out of it but we do and that's really all that matters. Grandparents don't want to believe their grandchildren aren't perfect anyway, so this doesn't surprise me. Anyway, for the next couple days Fredo has a substitute teacher at school so it's a good practice for him to continue looking at the teacher. I'll pick him up from school tomorrow and maybe Friday, then we'll see if we can work out some sort of reward for him at home for riding the bus.

I really expected a more gradual change, on Monday we had a meeting at the school and Fredo made eye contact with everyone in the room, much to the teacher's surprise. I don't think the teacher believed us when we told her that he makes and sometimes demands eye contact and in any event the autism thing is taken off the table. For the past couple weeks the teacher has been sending home notes about his behavior that include letting me know if he's looking at his teacher. 3's mean he's not looking at his teacher, ignoring reminders, etc., and 1's mean that he is looking at his teacher with few reminders. Obviously, two is somewhere in the middle. I should mention, he's never brought home a 1. Normally there's 3's peppered with a 2's. Yesterday, Tuesday he brought home his note, and it was all 1's! I was impressed, I squeezed the kid so hard, hugging him, he complained. Today, was mostly 1's with a couple 2's so that's still pretty good. Today, also marked the beginning of the bus troubles, so I guess we're on the right track.

Today, Fredo and I spent sometime working on his letters. We ran though a few flash cards, and then worked on writing the letter "B". I was trying to get him to understand the process of making the letter, not just copying it any old way and expecting him to learn. He was getting cranky with me, but I kept going. Rainbird told me I was being mean to him, and I let him take over, within a minute or two he was yelling, caught himself and said in a flat tone that he wasn't questioning me ever again. Of course, this just reinforced in me the very fact that I could NEVER homeschool this kid, honestly, I think we'd kill each other or at the very least hate each other. Not in that good, no you can't go to the party because I don't know the other kid's parents, but in the really bad way that screams Michael Jackson or the Door's song The End.

I promised other random musings, so here are a few to chew on.

• My Frosty the Snowman action figure outside appears to be either drunk or blowing the Christmas Tree beside him.
• Rainbird consistently wakes the dog each night when he farts right before coming to bed, causing the dog to run around the house barking, apparently searching for the dead animal that crawled up his ass.
• Rainbird knows nothing of hanging holiday lights and is really apparently color blind.
• Piss-boy really needs to understand that spelling does count on a spelling test.
• My mother in law got a catalog in the mail today called International Male, apparently, they carry padded underwear for men.
• I'm afraid of Claymation. It's true, when I was little and watched Santa Claus Is Coming to Town I was scared to death of the Burger Meister, Meister Burger. I think it was the clay. I kept imagining Santa melting like the witch from the Wizard of Oz.
• I'm not sure if it will ever snow like the weather people keep threatening.
  

What Are You Reading?

Someone recently asked our group, what book are you currently reading? I'll admit I haven't read a good book in years, but also, I've been writing a book of my own. A book that I doubt I will ever finish and doubt even more that it will ever be published, but that was never the point. I love the process of writing and becoming the characters. I even feel incredibly guilty for leaving the characters I've created drinking coffee in their kitchen. They've been drinking coffee for too long, it's time they did something again, it's time I gave them again purpose.

Are All Men Created Stupid?

Last night, after a larger than normal dinner out with "folks" we returned home and settled into our somewhat warm house. Okay, we were huddled together (including the dog) trying avoid the apparent effect of hypothermia coupled with a heavy meal, when Rainbird gets off his ass and goes to the fridge.

I wonder briefly why he's looking through the refrigerator, when I hear him ask, "Dear, where's the sausage I bought today?"

I cringe at the use of the word "Dear" afterall, I do have a name but that's another post for another time. I called back to him telling him it's in the fridge and he quickly replies that two of the three pounds of sausage he bought are in there, but the third package is missing. I told him maybe it fell behind, but I was sure it was there, he claimed to have looked and said rather frantically, it's not there. "Don't make me get up." I called back as though I were talking to one of the kids, and minutes later I'm walking into the kitchen because he's raising his voice. I look behind the milk and there is the package of sausage and yes it had fallen from one of the upper shelves.

Now this is truly an old argument of "if it was a snake it would have bit me," as any mom of young children can certainly relate to as they searched endlessly through the house searching for the blankie-piece that's was misplaced because a pillow was moved. We learn quickly to search under things, even (gasp) shaking out blankets to make sure whatever it is isn't stuck in the blanket. Do men do this? No, they scan the room quickly and if they can't find the remote in the first scan they cry for help.

To further confound this perplexing notion, my Rainbird is color blind...Or at the very least unable to see the color navy blue. To wit, he calls today asking for me to take his blue-pinstriped suit to the cleaners. I inform him he has no such suit and he insists that he does. I figure I'm mistaken, so, I go looking through the closet, one side and down the other and NO navy blue suit. He's got a black pinstriped suit, so I wonder if my eyes are playing tricks on me, so I put some navy blue socks by it, and sure enough the suit is black.

He comes home briefly, after several phone calls back and forth insisting that he does have a blue suit.

He said it goes with the shoes. "What shoes?" I ask.

He shows me a box with black shoes inside and I say, "those are black."

No he argues, "they're blue."

I sigh wearily as I take out the navy socks and put them next to the black shoe and snidely ask, "does this match?"

He admits it doesn't. He examines the box, and shows me indeed the box reads color: blue.

I query, "where did you get those shoes?"

He explains he bought them at the same time he got the suit, because he told the sales person he needed navy blue shoes...What the hell ever gave him that idea?

At least the sales person was smarter than he was, the shoes are black, and the box was for just a regular pair of tennis shoes in navy blue, which would also explain why the box reads "canvas." I just wonder how much he paid for them?

Gearing Up

Here are some photos of my dining room. Soon to be finished, but please excuse the mess, I still have things that need to be put away.

I Need A System

Each time I sit down at the computer to write in my blog, I forget what I was going to write about. I come up with great things to write about throughout the day but then they slip from my mind as soon as I sit down at the computer. In any event, I'll try to come up with something witty to say about nothing important.

Today is my birthday and yes I'm 29 again, I don't know how many more years I keep saying it but I'm not ready to give it up yet. Funny, but I actually freaked out when I turned 29 the first time, I don't know if it was because I wasn't ready to leave my 20's behind me but I here I am some years later professing to be the very age I hated so.

Happy Birthday To Me

Blonde porch painter

A blonde, wanting to earn some extra money, decided to hire herself out
as a "handy-woman" and started canvassing a nearby well-to-do
neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house, and
asked
the owner if he had any odd jobs for her to do.

"Well, I guess I could use somebody to paint my porch," he said, How
much will you charge me?"

The blonde quickly responded, "How about $50?" The man agreed and
told
her that the paint and everything she would need was in the garage.

The man's wife, hearing the conversation, said to her husband," Does
she
realize that our porch goes all the way around the house?"

He responded, "That's a bit cynical, isn't it?"
The wife replied, "You're right. I guess I'm starting to believe all
those
dumb blonde jokes we've been getting by e-mail lately."

A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her
money.

"You're finished already?" the husband asked.

"Yes," the blonde replied, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it
two
coats."

Impressed, the man reached into his pocket for the $50.00 and handed
it
to her.

"And by the way," the blonde added, "it's not a Porch, it's a Lexus"

Dear Santa

Dear Santa

Here is mine. Try your own, it's fun.

Dear Santa,

I have been a good Girl .

It really wasn't my fault what happened at Anita's Christmas party. It was Cindy who spiked the punch with too much Tequila. I can't help it if I drank 5 glasses. It was so good---smelled and tasted just like egg nog.

I thought it was funny when I put Amy Ann's Bra on my head and danced the The Hustle on the Chair while singing `Play That Funky Music'. I didn't mean to break Anita's blow-up man with remote and don't know why Anita would sue me for Indecent exposure.

I don't remember calling Ross's wife a bitchy pig---even though she looked like one with Blue eye shadow and Red lipstick!

And when I threw up on Melanie's husband's penis, it was only because I ate too much of that hot dog.

After all that fun, I admit I was a little tired. So I fell asleep on my way home and drove my Porsche through my neighbor's Bathroom. I don't think that was any reason for my neighbor to call me a idiot Cow and have me arrested for Reckless Driving!

So, Santa...here I sit in my jail cell on Christmas Eve, all sad and dark. And I'm really not to blame for any of this useless stuff. Please bring me what I want the most---bail money!

Sincerely and fuck yours,
Kelly (Really a nice Girl !)

P.S. It's only 300 bucks!

It's Just Another Day

What a week I've had and it's not over yet. I guess, my week started last Friday when Fredo woke abruptly at 3:30 AM screaming that his mouth hurt. I really thought he just didn't want to go to school or maybe had a bad dream, in any event I was awful to him, I yelled a lot, I bribed, but nothing seemed to work. I guess I'm tired of the kid complaining about going to school but something should have said that this was different. What was I thinking??? Likely that I wanted to go back to sleep. Rainbird, left at 5 AM for the airport, and I was still debating mentally what if anything I could to shut up this screaming child. At 6AM, when he still hadn't gone back to sleep, I went upstairs, giving up any hope of him still going to school (at this point I was even considering driving them both in, so they could get more sleep), to talk to Piss-boy. Piss-boy was tired, and hadn't slept much since 3:30, so I asked him if he wanted to stay home and he actually thought about it, knowing full well, he'd miss his spelling test, work for the day. Roughly 10 minutes later, he told me that he'd just skip the day and make-up the work later. At 7AM, I was relaxing and still dealing with Fredo, I had tried to look into his mouth but I couldn't see anything because he wouldn't open his mouth wide enough. I was still angry with him, but was noticing finally that he was off. I asked him if he wanted some juice, he'd take a sip and say no; I asked him if he wanted food, with the same result. Finally he said his ear hurt. I called the doctor's office and got him an appointment at 8:40 AM that morning. At the doctor's office they weighed him, and took his temperature, he weighed the same as he did in February, when he had his check-up, so I know he's lost weight. The other thing, his temperature was up to 101.2. It was then I looked for a rock to crawl under. The doctor tried to look in his ears, but couldn't because of his hard wax build up. He had to have his ears cleaned. I was surprised to see a large lima-bean sized rock come out of his ear on both sides. OMG. Did I mention his toe nails are too long too??? I guess it was a good thing though, his ears were actually clear with no sign of infection. The doctor considered that perhaps it was caused by an abscess in his gum and prescribed an antibiotic. Now, Fredo does not take medicine well, or at all. Tears erupt over the thought., so I considered my options and prayed the meds could be mixed with orange juice. After speaking to the pharmacist, and finding out that it can indeed be mixed with anything, including Orange Juice, we left to buy a happy meal, but poor Fredo, couldn't eat it. I didn't eat much either. Piss-boy enjoyed his lunch.

After spilling the first dose down his shirt, I'd given up, and put in orange juice and threatened him with another trip to the doctor unless he drank it all. He did, and took a nap.

Friday night he drank the second dose, and after sleeping off and on all day, was still groggy but awake at 11PM, so I moved him into our bedroom, turned on Cartoon Network, and told him he was sleeping there, which he did without arguing. Each time I woke that night, he was awake watching TV with one eye open.

Saturday, I was exhausted, and Fredo hadn't eaten anything all day but by Sunday, he started asking for food, toast or hot bread with butter as he calls it. Monday, his appetite improved but he was still waking during the night crying that his mouth hurt, so I called the dentist, just to be sure that nothing else was going on. That appointment was yesterday and the dentist said he's getting one of his molars, and likely that caused the pain and possibly infection. His gums are no longer swollen, and he's eating much better.

The past two nights, he's slept through, so today I bit the bullet and sent him to school. Of course that wasn't without argument, but now the house is quiet and hopefully, he'll be fine, I really don't want him to miss out watching TV. I did promise him a happy meal again today, because mostly, he has to gain some weight (laughs).

Leaving on a Jet Plane

Rainbird is leaving tomorrow for his last business trip of the year. He must be at the airport around 5 AM for his 6:40 AM flight, which means he will have to wake at 4:30 AM. Today, he asked me to pack his bag, which I did for him. I know he'll be working late tonight, which is why he asked. No problem right? Well, no, but again yes.

See, I'm scared to death to fly, and by that fear, I tend to apply it to others that I care about and this trip is different because he has to drive himself once he arrives at The City, normally past law firms would pay for or arrange transportation, but since he works for a hospital they will pay for the rental. Rainbird hasn't been most responsible person in the world, and tends to live by the credo that the car must get home. I don't know if I'm more freaked out about the flight or the fact he'll be driving around The City. Of course he tells me not worry and that my fears are unreasonable, which they likely are.

Does that make the fears less valid? Lately, I've been so preoccupied with his trip, I can hardly think of anything else. I used to be different, if he went away on trip, I'd hardly give him another thought, unless he called. Now, I worry constantly about him. I'm afraid if something happens to him what would happen to the kids and I? Yes, I know there is life insurance, and the amount should be enough to pay off the mortgage, so that is a huge burden. But who would go to Costco and put new furnace filters in? Who would watch stupid movies on TV with me?

The truth is that I would miss him. With all the bad things that have happened this year, I would miss him terribly and it's only taken me 20 years to figure it out.

A friend pointed out that maybe since I moved here, I've become too dependent on him and with that dependence is a lot of fear. I think she's right.