What A Gay Thing To Do *OR* Can Anyone Please Stop the Insanity

As if it wasn’t bad enough as shedding tears on camera at American Idol over Katherine McPhee’s loss, but David Hasslehoff has either attempted suicide over his apparent failing US career (he is a host of that new America’s Got Talent, gong show like thing). Anyway, his "rep" (read: toady) claims that he’s had surgery to repair the tendons in his arm due to an accident shaving.

That’s right...shaving…his arms? Are they sure he wasn't slashing wrist? Maybe he was having another face-lift? Or perhaps, he completed his surgery to have a pussy added so he can fuck himself?

You know instead of Paris Hilton sex videos, why oh why can't we have a video of this?

You can read the story for yourself here…

The offical story is that he hit his head on a chandelier which showered his arm with glass shards and one went deep enough to sever a tendon in his arm. His fan base must be either children, or 90 year olds to believe this.

© 2006 Whimsical Ranter
All Rights Reserved

Idiot of the Week: Star Jones (whatever the hell her new last name is)

Jonesing For A Smoke

It’s summertime and weather is warm, and how badly I want to sit on the back deck, slathered in mosquito repellant and smoke. My craving goes over the top at night, probably because I’m bored, but also because it’s been something I’ve done for years now. That said it’s been 14 days since I stopped smoking and I’ve saved 60 dollars. That’s a lot of lettuce.

Speaking of Lettuce

Rainbird decided to start the Atkins diet again and may not survive the induction period because he’s a carb freak! Plain and simple, yeah I get tired of eating, meat, cheese, and salads too. But he gets truly bitchy if he can’t have a cracker. The reason I say he might not survive induction is because if he continues being all bitchy, I'll kill him.

Idiot of the Week

Don’tcha just love the things just go from one subject into another? Yesterday a close friend emailed me and asked when I was going to do a blog on the Star Jones crap. I’ll admit I haven’t really been paying attention what with the kids being home from school and all, and me, stuck in cartoon hell; so I started doing a little reading online.

In truth I stopped watching the View years ago when they did a segment on erectile dysfunction complete with an expert and the poor bastard wasn’t allowed to say much of anything because those cackling bitches were too busy making jokes. A few days later they discussed the seriousness of breast cancer and they were all demure. That’s just bullshit.

So, I get the email from my friend began reading, and found myself seriously amused.

Star Jones (whatever the fuck her last name is) is a train wreck; not quite like Anna Nicole or Courtney Love, but damn the cattiness doesn't change. Babs Wa-wa says that Star Jones, whatever the fuck her last name is, wasn’t fired exactly, she just wasn’t asked to come back and knew about this for months. Star, whatever her name is, bitched actually on the fucking show that she felt fired? Sounds to me like she knew for a while she had lost a job and when the offers didn’t come pouring in, cried sour grapes.

Here’s the real shocker, after she made her announcement on Tuesday, they really fired her and this I guess surprises her? She claims she was told she could lie about where she was going. But she felt her “fans” deserved to know the truth. OMfuckingod. Remember people this didn’t happen last week, she was told in April or March of this year she wouldn’t be returning and she chose now to bitch about it. Why? Because Star Jones, whatever the fuck her last name, is a certifiable idiot with a completely overdeveloped sense of who she is and how important she is. Of course now we get to listen to months and months of her whining on every single TALK TV show. Wonder when she'l lbe on Oprah?

Maybe now, I’ll actually watch that show since I won’t have to listen to her flapping her gums about her “husband” (you know a lot of women have husband’s too), or hear talk about her fucking wedding, or anniversary or anything else having to do with her personal life.

Ever since she spent what a year planning her fucking wedding and another year talking about it after, really who the fuck is she anyway, I thought she should be fired then. I never understood why she was on the show to begin with…all she did was talk about legal aspects anyway and not very well. Throwing around her law degree, she lost me when she considered Johnny Cochran her “mentor”.

Now, she says that she’s not going to say anything bad about Barbara Wa-wa…Hasn’t she already said enough?

© 2006 Whimsical Ranter
All Rights Reserved

Am I a psychopath?

Fucking Normal You scored 2 out of forty on the psychopathy scale

Oh Gods!! You're actually normal. In studies control populations of, “normal” people, show an average score of around 5, so be happy. You may be dull, but you aren't insane. Try to get and do something, have an orgy, kill a kitten, just enjoy yourself.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 0% on Maddness

Link: The Are You an Psychopath Test written by Elias_Killjoy on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

A Little Irony Never Hurt Anyone

I apologize in advance that for around the next month of so, my posts will be infrequent...

This blog is more about my personal observations than about my life and I believe the following follows that spirit. There will be no news about Bradalina or any of the other crap.

Life sometimes smacks you irony and this was one of those times. On Thursday morning last week, on the first day of the boys summer vacation, instead of smoking a cigarette I popped in a piece of Nicorette gum.

That afternoon my grandmother phoned to tell me that my grandfather passed away of emphysema. Not a surprise Grandpa was a smoker until around 25 years before his death.

Thursday morning when I popped that piece of gum into my mouth the thought did cross my mind that since I still had cigarettes left, if it was too hard, I could just put off quitting until another day. After all there is always another day. Then the phone rang at 3:42 PM PDT and I was told about my grandfather and suddenly everything changed. I knew then I couldn't go back to smoking.

I think he planned it this way.



© 2006 Whimsical Ranter
All Rights Reserved

Well It’s Nearly Time

Tomorrow is the last day of school and again, while I'm facing the summer with mixed feelings, I'm certainly having a chuckle at Piss-boy's expense. He's been a little bitchy in anticipation of the end of the school year. You know, he's so excited that all that asshole inside him comes bubbling quickly to the surface. Today he thanked me for putting his shoes in the dryer, then quickly corrected himself saying, “oh, you that's right you didn't.” As it was spoken like a true smartass, I let the comment slide, so he kept going and minutes later I was again ruining his life. After all that complaining he did wear those shoes to school anyway because they were dry.

Yeah, Summer Will Be Fun

I'm in the process of signing the kids up for different things; I'm taking Piss-boy to the ceramic place so he can paint plates (his idea) and probably signing him up for swimming lessons. Fredo is going to hate the summer, as he's being stuck doing all things educational but thankfully most of those things are also free.

Go Figure

I stopped watching the news on Saturday after hearing on one of the big networks (CNN) reporting from an “eye witness” account that al-Zarqawi was beaten and died of those injuries. That really sat wrong with me because I think everyone with half a brain knows that his demise won’t end terrorism (there are probably a dozen to take his place) but nonetheless it was an important capture. Of course there is CNN and MSNBC showing on TV the day after some Iraqi (more than likely a sympathizer) saying that he was alive and US soldiers covered him with a tarp and beat him to death.

I love the way they take the few good things that comes out of this war and ignores them completely (like the elections) or twists them into something else evil we've done. Especially under the guise of reporting the news and our need to know, of course they should report the news and yes we need to know. But before putting it out there, take the time to check the facts first. I've heard no apologies from the media concerning this, and that's outrageous. Don’t get me started on the over-seas media either, who are just as bad as our own here and it leads me to xenophobic thoughts of saying the next time they come crying about some injustice to go fuck off and fix it themselves.

Who's the Murderer?

Now you have the press climbing all over Michael Berg, who is also running for congress under the Green Party, asking him again and again to call the Prez a murderer to help with their sound-bites. I'm sure he also views it as a way to keep his name in the press, since he is running a campaign. For those that aren’t sure or don’t know he was the father of Nick Berg, an American businessman beheaded reportedly by al-Zarqawi personally.

© 2006 Whimsical Ranter
All Rights Reserved

Man Of My Dreams

Now this is going to sound strange but yesterday, I had a really dirty dream starring of all people Rainbird. Even while the dream was going on, I was questioning why I was dreaming about him. After all since I was dreaming, certainly I could have come up with someone better, or dare I say, dreamier. So, that was my jolt of reality.

As good As It Gets?

My Friend Tracey posted on her blog about al-Zarqwai being dead; you can read more about her thoughts on that here. Life in West Virginia: FINALLY, SOME SUCCESS

I will add that I am a little disgruntled over our local paper; front page yesterday was about how the senate shot down the marriage amendment, anyhow, more on my feelings about that later. The news of al-Zarqwai was buried way back on page 11-A, which I call that the airplane section because no one else, unless you’re on an airplane reads it. Believe me, if Bush had shot someone, or if it were shown later that al-Zarqwai had escaped that certainly would have made the front page. The papers don’t want average people to understand that it’s war, people die, but we’re also making some progress. Regardless of the misdirection that got us there, we must stand behind the president on this issue. Besides there are much legitimate things to get upset about that President Bush has done.

Congress is wonderful at wasting the taxpayer’s money with nonsensical debates on things that have no hope of passage. I’m getting really fed up with them. I would rather see substantive debates on matters that would make a difference in all lives. Not on the ones that have not a snowball chance in hell of passage.

Sometimes…

I really feel I’m the worst mother in the world, last night all of a sudden I looked at the clock, which read 8:40, and realized Fredo was still up and running around like it was early afternoon. Quickly I got him to pick up the toys he’d dragged downstairs and got him into bed, only then did I realize (after I kissed him, turned off the light, and closed the door) that he went to bed wearing his clothes and didn’t brush his teeth. I know what I should have done but instead I turned around and headed back downstairs. What kind of mom lets her kid sleep in his clothes? At least he won’t have rush around trying to find them in the morning…Yes; he’ll wear the same pants this morning when he comes down. *update* He actually came downstairs wearing all new clothes that he pulled out of the dryer, I [still] really suck at this parenting thing sometimes.


©2006 Whimiscal Ranter
All Rights Reserved

My World Is Getting Smaller

A friend recently asked me if I had a My Space site, in addition to this one. Well, I did but didn't use it for posting just because some other people I know have them and I can't comment unless I had an account. I've decided to post my blog there also, because friends will be notified automatically whenever my blog is updated. Not a problem, posting in both locations.

Well, I was talking on the phone with my friend Dorothy (not his real name) and he got all excited when I told him about the myspace thing. He started one and you can look at his profile, which is a hoot here.

You can look at my MySpace blog here but all the older posts will just remain here.

© 2006 Whimsical Ranter
All Rights Reserved

Crap I Don't Care About***Updated***

I really don’t know what to write about, nothing exciting going on. Over the weekend we took the kids to see Ice Age 2, it was playing at one of the really cheap theaters, you know where the whole family can go for $ 8.00, including popcorn, and beverages. The movie itself was pretty stupid and I would have rather seen Over The Hedge, but we’ll have to wait for that one to come the cheap place. I refuse to take kids to the movies and pay a fortune for it, and at current prices even the “matinee” prices are too high. Add in some over-priced candy, and popcorn, quarters for the video games, and one could easily spend a hundred dollars—just to go to the movies!

I don’t watch a lot of TV and it seems there is a reason for it. Yesterday while at the dollar store I spied some Heath bar Fiddle Faddle. YUM! So, I bought a box (I really should have bought more) and at night I was flipping channels with the box beside waiting to come across something good. The box is still full.

Okay, yesterday was 6/6/06. Good grief get over your bible banging selves if you have a problem delivering a baby on that date because you’re afraid of the devil. Doesn’t the media have anything better to report? What’s going on with Bird flu? ABC news is rehashing the same stories about it (I think they just change the date). As you can imagine, no new real news just the same old shit.

But Really, It’s Armageddon


Well really it was a huge dust storm in Arizona yesterday, according to one of the cable news channels (I don’t recall which) sent people scrambling to churches. Kind of a weird thing to happen on devil day, huh, I can imagine some people actually thinking the end was near.

Then of course there are people that take it to the other extreme like the woman in this story you can find here.

More Devil News

The remake of The Omen opened yesterday also, which also is weird that they bothered remaking it at all. I guess, Mia [Rosemary’s Baby] is in the remake. I’m really starting to believe that Hollywood has run out of movies ideas, what with all the remakes of classic films, what’s next? Are we going to remake Citizen Kane? To Kill A Mockingbird or Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf? How about a Hollywood movie based on the 80’s TV show, The Greatest American Hero or the A-Team?

© 2006
All Rights Reserved

Rest In Peace

Billy Preston passed away. What a shame.

Have You Heard the Latest?

Anna Nicole Smith is pregnant and to be expected the father is male. Whew, that’s a load off my mind; I was worried she got herself knocked up during that lesbian tryst reported in the Enquirer. However, as to be expected this leads me to a new rant. Has the baby replaced the Chihuahua as the latest celebrity accessory?

Hollywood certainly has gone baby crazy, with a huge boom but it does beg to ask why on earth are these self-absorbed, detached from any type of reality, still feel so compelled to reproduce? Is it the G-d factor that compells them to procreate someone in their own image? I’m sorry but the planet doesn’t need anymore whiney, sniveling Paris Hilton’s running around, thinking and believing they endowed to something more in life just because Daddy (or Mommy) makes a fortune. If you were her father wouldn't just want to slap her or something (a better question is why hasn't he)? I’m sure Anna Nicole Smith will get lots of gifts, like the obligatory Gucci baby bag, which the baby actually fits into much like those small cutesy purses for the aforementioned poor-left-out-in-the-rain Chihuahua dogs. Maybe shopping for baby things is more fun than buying clothes for that Chihuahua, but don't they understand that Chihuahua's don't live as long as humans so you can start over every decade with a new one. Well, I guess if they fuck up raising a baby, it's really the nanny's fault and they can just ship that child off to boarding school.

Actually the Chihuahua dog to the celeb on the go, is no different than having a baby. Think about it.

I love it when celebrity’s talk about being “hands-on” parents. Uh huh. How many soccer mom’s you know drive around in a tricked out Hummer (yuck), have a day nanny, a night nanny, a personal assistant, chef, house keepers, etc? Yeah, they’re just like you and me. Uh huh. They are paid to appear on the cover of Good Housekeeping and pretend (they are actors after all) their lives are just as hectic as the typical working mom. Of course the typical working mom doesn’t make 10 MILLION dollars for 8 weeks of work.

Another thing I love is when they talk about how celebrities lose the pounds after pregnancy. Their chef prepares the meals and their personal trainer tells them how to stretch for 4 hours a day, of course, while the nanny watches the baby. Must be nice. What I really wish is they would stop acting like they are the girl or boy next door, and say…”yeah, I’m overpaid, and it’s stupid, you shouldn’t listen to a single word I say because I don’t know anymore than anyone else.”

Which leads to celebrity pontification on whichever subject they feel passionate about it, and normally for the Hollywood crowd that entails of bashing Bush, and talking about how horrible the war is. Again, uh huh. Don’t get me wrong Bono running around the world talking about the plight in Africa is nice of him, but when he spends bookoo dollars to have his favorite hat flown from the UK to Italy shows me that he’s seriously out of touch with reality.

Even the greatest songwriter in the world, John Lennon, was assbackwards when it came to possessions. Telling people on one hand to shirk them, but on the other hand, hording them for himself and living in complete luxury. I remember back in 1985 when Bruce Springsteen was touring, I went and saw him Oakland, Ca. I felt so lucky to get tickets, way up in the nosebleed section (I’m not shitting you, I was 4 rows from the top). The day was incredibly hot, I’d gotten drunk on peppermint schnapps, vomited and passed out all before the show began. By the time the show did start I was completely sober, and bored. He talked about the plight of the homeless and told us (I felt like a minion) to give money on our way out for the homeless and also played some songs in a half-ass way.

Uh huh. I remember that show the was at the time, the most expensive I’d ever been to, I had already purchased the program book and I think a Tee-shirt, and now he wanted me to donate to the homeless????? Sure, he got his first. I should have thrown all that crap into the donation box. The point is I paid good money to hear him perform, not to listen to him pontificate to his captive audience for 15 minutes about how horrible the homeless situation is, which I was well aware, before Mr. Springsteen came to town, was pretty bad.

In that regard Bono did something right when he came to our area to speak about international Aids issues, he booked himself for a night at 100 dollars a pop to hear him speak (just speak) about it. I would much rather pay that 100 bucks to hear him talk than pay the same hundred bucks to go see U2 and hear him blather on for 15 minutes about it.

What about when a celebrity finds G-d? If I have to listen another minute about the fucking Dali Lama, or the bullshit of Kabbalah, Scientology, or whatever other dumbshit religion there is out there—I’m going to scream! I don’t give crap if that fuckwit Richard Gere fucks the Dali Lama in the ass! I really don’t but I don’t want to hear about how much money he’s spent on him either, nor do I want to h ear about why I should give a dime. Fucking Dali Lama is obviously living better than me anyway. Same is true for that major fuckwit Tom Cruise and his Scientology tent.

I don’t want to hear about any more celebs reproducing for their personal gain in the press, pontificating about dumbshit or even valid causes, and I don’t want to hear their version of the truth about anything. This would also include most news people. Make that all news people. I’m just as sick of hearing about them too. Their job is read the fucking news! That’s it! They just read it the news and look nice while doing it. They don’t write it, but they do have a tendency to invent it as they go along.

Which brings me to the final thought for today, about that Today show broad moving to host the evening news…or whatever. Who the fuck watches the evening news???? Sure people still watch local news but national evening news? What with every fucking cable news network reporting the same shit all day long, I really wouldn’t mind another episode of Deal or No Deal instead.

© 2006
All Rights Reserved

Run Off Name That Tune

Follow these instructions to the letter, don't post until you are certain you know the answers correctly.

I will give you one verse from a song...

This is from my personal record collection the internet's information isn't correct on this (then again, maybe it is).

I wouldnt see you and I love to
I fly above you, yes I do
Well, oh baby, my hairs on end about you...

What is the name of this song?

Who wrote this song?

Who sang this song?

What album did this song first appear on?

What year was it released?