Is It Wrong?
To be thrilled at the beginning of the holiday rush hour (meaning the time between Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve), and then go to feeling blah about it, to missing it when it's over? Seriously I'm beginning to question my sanity, and my ability to simply go with the flow. I'm just pissed off and I can't stop thinking about new things to piss me off even more. What is up with the freaking car commercials this time of year? BMW, when you buy a new model, will donate to the Make a Wish Foundation. That's a good thing but for craps sake, is that really going to influence anyone it buying it? And I'm sorry but anyone that buys a woman a stupid Dust Buster or fancy vacuum cleaner for Christmas seriously needs help or else there had better be something better buried inside the damn thing. And let me further add if one more thing seemingly goes wrong this holiday, I'll climb up on the roof and shit down the chimney myself.
My husband this year actually gave me an iPod Nano, which I picked out because he wasn't sure what color I'd like. I picked red. Not because of African Aids thing but because I really liked the color. Yes some of the money went to Aids funding in Africa and I'm fine with that. I mean it's not like I paid any more for it. Knowing about the gift ahead of time is somewhat of a good thing because then I know how much to spend on him without being sneaky and checking credit card statements. But I'm also kind of bummed because it kind of takes the surprise out of it. It doesn't kind of take the surprise out of it; it DOES take the surprise out of it.Now with the boys I'd rather not be surprised, because since they are men in training they consistently buy me the most god-awful gifts that I must pretend to like. Like the year I got a HUGE bottle of some smelly perfume. Then we were watching and rerun episode of some sitcom where the children bought the mom a large bottle of smelly perfume so she wouldn't have to save it for special occasions. My sons beamed at me saying at least they bought me good perfume. I nearly choked. This year, I won't be surprised because I went out and spent 20 bucks on a rocking red purse for myself, as an accessory to my iPod Nano.
I thank the boys profusely for it each time I use it. Yes I'm using it early.
I'd Go To the Mattresses (if they weren't already infested)
A week after Thanksgiving when our weather turned cold, then warm and shit rain for a week (causing huge flooding issues in our region), our fearless (okay he's not so fearless) Dumbass started making rounds around the house. Looking down the heater vents spending lots of time in the kitchen staring at the floor. Yes the middle of the kitchen floor. One morning after waking earlier than normal I heard a sound…like munching and scratching and saw LOTS of insulation in the heating vent.Yes, Ranter's house again has rodents residing in the basement. We went out and bought rat poison, the kind that comes in individual serving sized bags. We tossed one bag down each heater vent and waited. So far we know for certain one bag has been consumed but several others that were placed in the basement have disappeared all together. I'm not going to question where they have gone to, I just hope they had a good party.
Now, it needs to be said that my big assed 300-pound husband becomes a big pussy when it comes to rodents of any kind. If he were to see one face to face, he'd likely scream like Ned Flanders, and throw the bags of poison at it while trying to run in the opposite direction. This should explain why we don't do traps of any kind. He'd NEVER be able to empty them. I'm sure as hell not going to do it, since I'm supposed to be the one with all the estrogen it's just not in my DNA.
Each evening though the dog (aka Dumbass), goes insane listening, tilting his head and trying to scratch through the floors.
I wonder if I send my older son down into the basement armed with his violin he can lure them away, or scare them out? His practicing is enough to make me want to leave so I wonder if the effect is similar on the rodents?
© 2007 Whimsical Ranter
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7 comments:
Just came across your blog. Thanks for the laughs. I like your style..... LOL
Jan
Thanks for the comment..come again and visit.
I have no clue what the little guy picked out for me this year - there is no telling, but I know that Travis got me a holiday mug at Big Lots (because I was there with him and had to turn my back) and a birdfeeder (because I helped him make it at cub scouts).
My kids are wonderfully practical with their gifts for me. I think of them every time I slice an egg.
Rats? That's just nasty.
LOL about Travis. You'll have to let us all know what else you got.
I agree about the practical gifts, and wouldn't mind one from the kids, well except for the dust buster idea...that just seems weird to me considering they make most of the mess.
Yes, rats are nasty but and maybe I shouldn't be saying this but...I think they're all dead. The dog's been very quiet the past several days and there has been NO new action or activity.
Congrats on the i-Pod nano. If you need any music, let me know. I have tons that I can put on disc for you and send across the way.
The conversation at work other than what a bunch of spazzes (esp. the vampire looking spaz) I work with was how everyone is so miserable for the holidays. You'd think it's just retail, but it's everywhere. Thus, I need to get the Johnny Mathis and Andy Williams going or face serious you people are pissing me off to mt vesuvius levels.
As for men, we only know so many things to get women (if you've got some hints for a 1 month getting to know you into should it be a relationship, send suggestions please!!). That said, vacuum cleaners should be shoved up male nether orifices and turned on if that's the present given. Maybe by suctioning out the lower intestine and colon, these guys will know what a bad gift (that gives the impression ol' girl is only a maid) feels like.
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