Finally Something Truly Blogworthy

Was it Fate?

My life has been pretty dull lately, not a lot of blog worthy activities. It's not that I'm bored with it; it's just that nothing exciting is going on. Day to day life gets dull; well it was dull until I wrote out a whole blog about how ridiculous the far right has been over the whole Nancy Pelosi plane thing. She can ask for the moon, I wrote in the previous post, prepared to spend the day watching the news picking up blog bites, but it doesn't mean she'll get it. Get over it. Anyway that's the thrust. Then around 12:30 PST, the news broke about Ana Nicole Smith being rushed to the hospital unconscious.

My first thought was big fucking deal. Later, they said she had a cardiac episode, possibly intubated and someone was seen performing CPR on her. They also noted a news conference was scheduled about an hour from then. I thought then, she's dead.

She was. The former fast food worker, turned Playboy bunny, turned pole dancer, turned married to 80-something billionaire, turned grieving widow, turned…

Oh you get it.

But There Must Be a Conspiracy

Everything today must have a conspiracy theory…so here is mine. The lawyer who was present in the hospital when her son died, actually murdered him, and later killed her for her money. There I said it. He didn't anticipate the paternity thing so if I were the guy claiming to be the baby's daddy, I'd be kinda scared that the lawyer of death doesn't pay me any visits.

What Is Actually Plausible

A drug overdose is too simple, however likely but since we're still speculating, then lets really do some reaching. Let's say Nicole was worried about losing custody of her infant daughter because…well…. she's a train-wreck. The man claiming to be the baby's father (where the hell is Maury and his damn Who's Your Daddy, DNA guy when we really need him) said that Ms Smith had methadone in her body when she delivered said baby. Naturally, the baby was born with it in her system too. Now, it should be said that there is no proof of this, but it's not too hard to believe given everything we do know about her. Baby daddy number 2 claims that Ms Smith is unfit, excuse me a moment while I control my laughter, and want to prove he is the father and wants custody. She would be required to appear in court at some point, and considering her wonderful interview skills, my next theory becomes more even more plausible.

I remember watching the footage of her interviews after testifying before the Supreme Court during her, give me my 18 months worth of blood money for sleeping with that cold handed old coot, she seemed more normal than usual, and dare I say together. Despite the fact of all the crocodile tears she shed. Someone grumbled then to me that she went through detox before that appearance to gain certain lucidity. Watching it on TV, and then seeing her again on TV a few days after that it was like the mirror had two faces. One lucid, and the other under the influence of something likely illegal and that was the image that stuck with me, when watching the "Big News" unfold today.

I think she traveled with the nurse (incidentally according to police the nurse didn't perform CPR on Ms Smith, but the bodyguard did, interesting huh?) to do some kind of funky rapid detox on her in that hotel room. Cardiac arrest is actually a side effect of that type of detox, and it's normally not very successful outside of formal clinical settings since it deals only with the physical aspects of the addiction but none of the mental. I think the nurse panicked called screamed that Smith was unconscious; the bodyguard rushed in and started CPR (which is done alone now according to the new rules), probably shouted for the nurse to call 911. All the while, the lawyer boyfriend/husband sitting on the edge of the bed hiding the hypodermic needles and planning how he would inform the media of her quick demise, while maybe text messaging the Bahamas to tell the nanny not allow anyone to see the baby, if contacted.

Okay that last line I have no clue about, but the rest could have happened that way. I don't know, something inside just feels it’s a little weird that he was there when Smith's son died, and he was there supposedly when she died. Maybe he's just very unlucky?

In any event what really cracks me up are the comparisons to people like Marilyn Monroe and the discussion of how tragic it all is. I'm sorry but tragic was 9-11, the war in Iraq, Nancy Pelosi squeezing her fat ass into a small plane, not Anna Nicole Smith. I'm sorry to say but I doubt it will take a year for her memory to be erased from the media entirely. No one will be lighting candles or migrating to the hotel where she died. Her DVDs of her reality show will go unsold because, lets be honest, when she was alive it was a good joke but no one wants to watch drug induced train wreck going on about how she's not fat when she clearly is after they've died. It's just not that funny anymore.

But lets face it she wasn't that funny when she was alive.

But What of Her Daughter?

It may sound cruel, but considering Ms Smith's life, her son's life, etc., I'd say she's better off without her mother; maybe not a whole lot, but honestly better off. That is the real tragedy of Anna Nicole Smith.

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