Tuesday, October 24, 2006
Let the Blame Begin
As I sat in the First Grade classroom it quickly became apparent that this wasn't going to be a "normal" parent teacher conference. I had hoped, but those hopes were soon dashed when the special Ed teacher walked into the classroom. Those dashed feelings were only a fleeting warm memory as the teacher explained that they believed Fredo has Autism and passed a questionnaire across the table. I guess from that point on I had a hard time focusing on what to say or which emotion to pull from.
One thing that did stand out in my mind during the meeting was usage of the word "label." No one actually spoke the word Autistic or Autism; they just talked about the fact that we'd be "labeling him." Is the label really a bad thing? If I were a juggler wouldn’t want to be labeled as such and be entitled to rights and privileges. Or is this different? Will a label of Autism sentence him to a life of special Ed, with no hope of ever getting out? If he had only two legs I wouldn't hesitate "labeling" him a paraplegic. Why am I having such a difficult time with this?
Silly me, I thought I'd be relieved. Maybe I'm learning more about myself during this process than I'd care to see. Maybe I'm just seeing all my failings and areas I just didn't do enough, and I know I'm just as frustrated with all this as Rainbird is. He did a wonderful job of blaming me by pointing out each time I have made things easier on Fredo. How many times have I said for Rainbird to just take the older one somewhere instead of both? Too many I suppose but not because Fredo was too difficult it was more about Piss-boy deserving a good time. That was why I told Rainbird not to take Fredo camping over the summer. I asked myself at which point do we start punishing the older child by trying to teach the younger a lesson. I guess my answer was as usual wrong.
Maybe it's just the word "Autism" that conjures up images of Rainman and someone flawlessly playing the piano. Savants are rare I'm learning, so it's likely that my Fredo won't have any special talents. Guess we'd better cancel those tickets to Vegas.
I promise tomorrow's blog will be about a much lighter subject.
© 2006 Whimsical Ranter
All Rights Reserved
3 comments:
I'm so sorry.
there are lots of really great books about autism. when you read up be sure to read stuff that's been written in the last 15 years or so. new things have been learned.
i don't think you're settling for a life of special ed. there are good things that can be done and good progress to make. just know that it will be hard work. :)
take care and I'll be praying for you.
Sorry sweetie, first chance I've had to catch up. So did this teacher diagnose him herself? You might want to follow up with an eval by a pediatric neurologist. If it does end up being Autism, just remember - it's a HUGE spectrum and with an enormous range in abilities. From what I understand,labeling is neccessary for funding to provide any extra services Fredo might need. It doesn't and shouldn't sentence him to a life of Spec. Ed. Children on the spectrum usually do best in an environment with their peers to further encourage development of age appropriate skills.
On a more personal note, you CAN'T blame and second guess yourself.This is not your fault and you did not make him "worse" than he would be if you'd done things differently. A sign of a good mother is one who knows what situations are too stressful for her child. Now that's not to say Fredo can't be challenged from time to time, but sometimes you need to make not only the best choice for Fredo, but also the best coice for your family.
{{{Hug}}}hun.
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