According To The Welfare Board

I'm really getting tired of this crap on the Wefare board. I'm not a bleeding heart liberal but still I grow angry with some of shit I repeatedly read. They give trigger answers to complex problems, spread stereotype and urban myths.

Here is what I've learned since lurking and occasionally posting.

On welfare? Ask friends and family for money/food instead of gifts, regardless if they are for your children, because children don’t need toys, and your children don’t deserve them anyway because you’re on welfare, except for old housewares you have laying around. Also, if you're invited to dinner and a friend offers you an alcoholic beverage you must refuse because you're on welfare.

On HUD? Don't use your heater, electricity even if you live in Alaska, you don’t deserve heat, and you can forget about internet access. That would upset some of the people on the board should you tell them about it.

On food stamps? You may only buy foods that are healthy, contain no sugar, or sugar substitute, also forget about buying anything like cakes even if it's for a birthday because you don't deserve to celebrate, you're on food stamps remember? Again, it pisses off the taxpayers, who have decided they want to know exactly how you're spending each dollar you collect. Better read up on the Hillbilly housewife website at the library so don't need to be wasteful and can learn to make your own sanitary napkins.

If you are on all of the above you must first sell all your personal possessions, including those 501 Jeans you’ve had in your closet since High School. You must sell your house, deplete your savings account, and sell off all your furniture, your children’s toys, computer, car, pets, stereo equipment, and TV’s.

If your spouse becomes catastrophically ill, you can simply divorce them and get more medical aid for them.

Don't celebrate any holiday or birthday, because you have no right to, and for god's sake, don't drink any alcohol even if it's offered for free because you're just not worthy.

Oh if you're on any kind of assistance...you can't own a car because, well you don't need it. If you live in an area where there is no public transportation, you must move to a city regardless of where, I guess the more crime-ridden the better. This could also be used as an example of how people throw comments like that out there, without saying anything else to back themselves up, with the sole purpose of inflaming the board. Unfortunately, the board takes the bait.

Absolutely no manicures or hair cuts of any kind but you can ask your hardwood store for a spare piece of sandpaper. Pinking shears can be used to give you a nice “Moe Howard” haircut. Remember you have no right to look better than a taxpayer. Better work on that "hobo" look, it will go well with the "Moe."

You have no right to a pet; even goldfish food is too expensive when you’re on welfare. The rats or cockroaches in your house don’t count though, unless you name them.

You may not ever buy clothing new, except underwear, which, hopefully as long as your ass isn’t too wide, can be purchased at the dollar store. You must only shop at thrift stores, remember material to make clothing is expensive too, and some might mistaken it for designer. If you're on welfare or food stamps and your ass is too wide, it's because you're eating on the taxpayer's dime. Hey! That rhymes.

Never ever buy any name brand clothing for your child/baby, like “Baby Dior, or Nike” because people will think you’ve paid full price for them and likely you’ll be rounded up, buried in the ground to your neck and stones thrown at you. Just like in the Middle East for letting a man look at your hooo hooo.

If for some reason you do end up on welfare it’s simply because you didn’t plan well enough, and didn’t forsee every possible scenerio.

The welfare queen does exist.

All people on welfare eat better, and have more extras than those working for a living.

Everyone on welfare is lazy and refuses to get a legitimate job.

Everyone on welfare uses the system to get more welfare or cheats the system.

Trips to the dentist aren't needed.

Finally, if you are on welfare, and visit this board, please refrain from discussing your personal story because while some posters believe in placing their personal, holier than thou opinion up for debate, your life sadly isn’t good enough. Also remember that because they have done for example worked nonstop to avoid debt, there is NO reason that you can't also. Please don't waste your breath trying to argue that your situation is different, because if they did it, so should you. PERIOD. This also follows into the idea that you shouldn't have kids unless you can afford them, even if you go broke after the kids come along it doesn't matter because you didn't plan well enough.